The Things That No One Told Me

When you’re pregnant or at least when I was, I was waiting to be another week along, getting excited to meet him, dreaming of holding him, kissing him, smiling at him. I was constantly trying to tick off my list of things I had left to buy & do. Anyone I spoke to only spoke of how incredible it will be when he’s here and every night me and mum used to chat about baby things and how special it is and all the things me and sisters did as babies while feeling him kick around, it gave me flutters of excitement and towards the end everyday of not enjoying pregnancy the thought I was one day closer, ‘everything will be fine when he is here’ got me through right till the moment I heard him scream for the first time and all I could hear was the midwives chatting away about him.

Yes, yes it all incredible and I would go back 100% but what gets me is the things no one told me… here is a few of them;

You give birth to this beautiful, god sent, amazing baby but it is completely foreign and unknown to you even though you’ve felt them and carried and loved them for 9 months. You’ve read all the blogs, baby pages, listened to other mums, thought you had it covered until they start screaming and you don’t know what to do with it or what it wants (actually all it wants is to suck the life out of my nips) You’ve been waiting for this day to feel this insane connection and it didn’t happen the way you thought right away, it took time and for a while you felt scared and sad because you didn’t know you’d feel this, you thought it would be perfect and instant.

No one told me that drinking brews, eating 10 pieces of ham out the fridge and stuffing your face with anything when it gets to 9pm is a healthy diet

Wait.. that’s because it’s not. But who gives a shit when you’re running round like an idiot to get out the house so the only thing you can find is cooked ham out the fridge so you stuff loads in your mouth and class it as not skipping breakfast. Drinking your weight in brews because you need all the caffeine to survive the broken sleep. But who cares? You can’t cook 3 times a day, clean, get out for a bit and entertain a baby because you simply don’t have time or energy and if you manage to do it all everyday I take my hat off to you mamas!

You’ll never be alone again

Yet… sometimes I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I wish someone told me I’d feel this way. Sometimes even though I have the best little person for company, talking to a baby all day can make me feel trapped sometimes because a simple trip out is now like brain surgery! It seems easier to stay in. If you’re the only one who’s had a baby out of the people you know it’s hard, they can’t even imagine the emotions you feel trying to live your normal life you once had while having a huge extra commitment and being constantly tired and restricted, so it is difficult to rant and let off steam because it’s simply a process they’ve not yet begun. Trying keep the old you is the most bitter sweet thing because an extra chore on top of the 1000 other things and being a mummy is mainly you now. But it is worth it and important not lose who you once were and what you once enjoyed I promise and even though I have days I feel so alone and like no one understands and, the sun will rise and you’ll be ready to go again. Always talk to someone even if they don’t get you.

The boyfriend/relationship you once had would be long gone.

Make the most of those lie ins till midday, all those care free date nights and eating out, make the most of enjoying just you two because you’ll never be just you two again. Which isn’t a bad thing! Your adding to what you love most about each other. The man you once knew has become a dad, just like you have become a mum, dads also go through a transition and they grow as people to provide and look after not only himself but his family too which is a big responsibility and weight on his shoulders. He will still be your best friend and the love of your life but he will also become your emotional punch bag and bickering about who has it hardest, who’s had the most/least sleep, who did the last night feed, who’s more drained, who changed the last shitty nappy – this will become a pass time. Both parties have it hard in different ways, it’s all about learning how to respect that and to compromise.  He’s no longer just your boyfriend anymore – he’s more, he’s the father to your child and you’ve bonded in ways you don’t even realise. Seeing him with your little one will melt your heart away and those 9 months, awful labour and being this little humans slave is all worth it because that’s your family and this life you have is harder for sure but 1000 x better than the one you had before.

Having a caesarean hurts like hell

I thought if I had a caesarean this would be an easy way out (not in a small minded way). I thought great if I had one at least I wouldn’t feel anything, at least everything will stay the way it was before, I’d have an easy recovery, there would be no after pain…WRONG WRONG WRONG AMY! Well let me tell you I felt everything during that operation! (not the pain) I felt them pulling tugging and the pressure, oh my gosh it was horrible! I felt like they were kneading my tummy with their knees or hands or elbows, it was awful. The after pain… well the first time I stood up I thought my insides were gonna fall out beneath me! I felt different, lighter, yet heavier. I couldn’t straighten my back because I was scared of pulling the stitches open but I couldn’t bend it due to arching it from being so big and carrying a baby for 9 months. So I just felt like a cripple. I couldn’t go to the toilet for days because I too scared of the pressure and my insides would fall out my ass. Disgusting but true. Both my sisters had caesarean and never told me these things. So thanks for that guys.

Everyone has an opinion

Wow, the world of motherhood. I never knew everyone and anyone who had a child were experts. They have a opinon how/the way you feed them, how you hold them, not to cuddle them to much because they could become spoilt little brats, how you dress them, how you play with them, hell, just how you look at them! everyone has an opinion which is fine but I never knew how many mothers were so judgmental! Everyone has their own way and every baby is different and the sooner I realise the expressions ‘Every baby is different’ and ‘Happy mum, happy baby’ I knew I would never judge a soul. Being a mum is [email protected]$k*^£ HARD. sometimes you gotta do what you feel because sometimes you instinct is your best friend. Reading all these facebook pages, articles, blogs can make you doubt yourself and think shit, I’m doing a shit job and god knows what they will turn out like with me as a mum. But with love in your heart and good support you can’t go wrong.

Showering & sleeping is a luxury

Wow who knew a 5 minute shower would be like being taken to a spa day. You feel treated and spoilt you’ve had the chance to have a QUICK shower (and I don’t mean the ones where you get to wash your hair… Them ones are another world) Sleeping… well I can only speak from my experience but 5 months of broken sleep and especially the last couple of weeks have been awful. Lack of sleep and self nurturing can really take a toll on your mentality. But as they say each stage passes… Fingers crossed I get an unbroken night sleep again soon. Pray for me mamas! Definitly fit in some time atleast once a week for yourself even if it’s just an hour. Trust me it will feel great.

Your mental health will take a beating

No one told me you’ll feel ecstatic, sad, lonely, down, anxious, happy, blessed, complete, guilty, the happiest you’ve ever been all in the same day. You’ve just endured the last few weeks of hell being huge and fed up of being pregnant to the trauma of birth and not even being able to recover because as soon as their here, your life is about them. So do we ever recover? maybe not we just get on with it and better adapt pretty damn quick. Guilt is a big one for me. You spend 9 months imagining your new life but there nothing like the smack in the face of the reality of it. Wait I can’t go for a quick wee without hearing a load of screaming? I can’t spend an hour on my make up without trying to entertain a screaming child at the same time? I can’t even open my eyes without thinking of someone else first? It became and still does get a bit much sometimes for me and sometimes in just split seconds of feeling exhausted, drained and low I can think about my old life. I instantly feel guilty for it because I wouldn’t change a thing but motherhood is bitter sweet (Of course 95% sweet!) it’s a lot to adjust to no matter what age or circumstance.

You’ll feel a love you couldn’t imagine possible

My heart could almost break with happiness and overwhelming-ness when I see or think of Leo. He’s become reason for my existence. I love him so much it hurts. He’s my heart and soul and there isn’t one thing I wouldn’t do for him. I didn’t think a love was possible, I didn’t think there was bond like it! What was once part of me for 9 months is now my reality and I love it, watching him develop, seeing him smile, hearing his squeaks and giggles it completes me and It’s honestly a feeling you can’t describe which is why no one told me, you can’t its impossible.

So no one told it wouldn’t be all perfect, but it is the happiest I’ve ever been.

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