Team DILF: Guide to brushing a toddlers teeth.

1- First off, why do they even have teeth? It just makes their faces sore and wakes me up at stupid ‘o’ clock. When you mention that your kid is a complete d1ck to other parents, they simply reply, “ah…that’ll be the teeth.”

2- Seriously though, they don’t even need them! My daughter eats yogurt like it’s laced with heroin and Redbull and literally everything else ends up on the floor, in the cat or on her head. Her incisors are about as useful as my 7 stone mother-in-law at a caber tossing competition.

3- Apply toothpaste to brush. Give to daughter. Watch her race around the room like Lewis Hamilton and do absolutely no brushing. Panic about how any small trip could spear a toothbrush through her face and land us all in A and E for days.

4- Throw the head up and try to force brush at least 3 teeth while she fights back like 2 men and a rabid wolf. Tell the wife you totally nailed the whole teeth cleaning thing while secret panicking that a Jeremy Kyle guest prob has better dental hygiene than our almost two year old tornado.

5- Haven’t done the trip to the dentist yet. Can’t wait.

Enjoyed this take on one of the more challenging practicalities of having a toddler? Take a peek at the DILF guide to trimming your child’s nails.

Written by Neil McTeggart for his Facebook blog, Team DILF!

teeth cleaning