Team DILF: Taking My Daughter Swimming...

So I brought my daughter to swim class by myself for the first time ever. DILF level up!

Usually I would swan into the changing rooms, chat to the lads, have a pee and a flex and greet my fam bam ready and waiting by the pool.

Not today my friend.

This time I had to put a wet suit on my daughter all by myself and who, if I’m being honest, was a bit of a dick throughout the whole process. Maybe it was the fact that class is on at the exact same time she needs to have lunch or that it finishes when she should be having her afternoon siesta but daddy was starting to lose his shit early in the game.

A quick ‘thoughts and prayers’ text to the wife and we headed to the pool. For some reason they decided that today would be a good day to lower the temperature below zero so we could all feel the benefits of ice water immersion. I for one like my testicles outside my body and before we even got started, Alex started shaking like an Eskimo on a first date. I don’t even know if she was trying to warm up or simply warn others that she was under my protection and her proper parent was at home watching X factor on catch up.

40 minutes of mediocre nursery rhymes and systematic drowning of minors later and the real fun begins. A dry wetsuit now seems like heaven as I manhandle a tiny human in front of a jacuzzi full of shocked onlookers. Each wriggle she makes brings her closer to being stabbed by one of my ice cold pointy nipples as the instructor swims to my aid.

We hit the eject and quickly head to the changing rooms. Never before have I been so happy to see a room full of old naked men! The floor was now soaked and I was trying to juggle a crying baby among the various trip hazards I’d created while cursing the day my wife seduced me with her unprotected womanly bits.

Not only did part of me die in that changing room but I also left her water bottle, her socks and my fave flips flops. Although despite all of that, she fell asleep in the car looking super cute and is no longer free to a good home.

Written by Neil McTeggart for his Facebook blog, Team DILF!