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I always knew that being a new parent would be hard, and that there would come a point where my fiance Toby would have to go back to work… two weeks after Max was born, in our case. He hadn’t worked there long enough for paternity pay (90% salary for the first week, unpaid for the second which is absolute shite)… but his brilliant boss allowed him to take 2 weeks holiday at full pay without notice as my son came early.
I knew that it would be tough. However, I really didn’t anticipate just how isolating it would be!
Hand on heart, the moment he closed the front door I was the loneliest and most desolate I have ever felt.
I spent the entire day sobbing, alone with this delicate little creature on my chest, disoriented and delirious with exhaustion, pain from the caesarean wound and infection I had. But he had to work. We needed the money.
It was so bad that Toby’s work gave him a few more days holiday as it was blatantly obvious that I wasn’t ready to be chucked in at the deep end alone. I must say, his work were and have continued to be amazing! I was so overwhelmed that I was barely eating, sleeping, or doing anything other than cry and feed Max. The extra support Toby was able to give me was beyond valuable.
All mums are different, obviously… I ended up with a diagnosis of post natal depression at 8 months postpartum but it was patently obvious that I’d been suffering in silence all along. Mums who don’t experience baby blues or full-blown PND may not struggle so much. However, if you’re a pregnant mama reading this, I implore you to be as emotionally, mentally and physically prepared as possible.
In hindsight, I’d have prepared myself better. However, my pregnancy was really high risk and I was in hospital for a large part of my third trimester, so I didn’t really have the time to think about it if that makes sense? I was too caught up in keeping myself and my son alive in the face of preeclampsia. I wish I’d spent the spare moments I did have maybe batch cooking, stocking up and making sure I had the basics under control.
Newborn Max snoozing on daddy!
How to prepare for your other half to go back to work;
- MEAL PREP. Bored during your maternity leave? Cook, portion, and freeze. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did. Cheap microwavable Tupperware can be found at most shops like Wilkos!
- Set up your support network. Make sure friends and family are on board to help if you ask, and if you don’t have any local, look up local pregnancy classes and meet local new mums for tips and support. Mush is a really good way to meet local mums.
- Ensure you have an emergency phone number saved for his work saved, and that his employer won’t stop him coming to you if needed.
- If possible, get your partner to book annual leave around the time he’ll be on paternity so you get a few weeks additional support.
You’ll find your happy place, I promise! Be under no illusions, it is SO fucking intense – bringing a newborn home, and being left alone to cope – but you will make it through. Get prepared, stock up and power through the first few weeks.
I hope that these tips helped! Is your partner due back to work soon? Tell us how you’re feeling and any tips you’d like to share in the comments.
Love from Katie Xx
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