Our Co-sleeping Story

The theme for this year’s Lullaby Trust Safer Sleep Week 2019 is ‘Let’s talk about co-sleeping’ and I couldn’t be more relieved that the charity are addressing the elephant in the room. You see, when I had my now toddler 2.5 years ago, I had no plans to co-sleep. Or to put it more accurately, I had no intention to bed share.

Co-sleeping can also mean simply sharing a room, and you should be in the same room when baby is asleep until at least 6 months. According to research cited by the Lullaby Trust of the 700,000 babies born every year in England and Wales, up to 350,000 will have slept together with one or more parents by the age of three months, whether intended or not. It is therefore crucial that guidance on how to co-sleep more safely is shared.

Bed-sharing most definitely isn’t suitable in every situation. But warning parents off bed-sharing without explaining the facts or guidelines can oversimplify the issue. I think it’s good that this campaign is addressing the fact sometimes it happens unintentionally. As a parent, if you are thinking about bed-sharing or think you are at risk of falling asleep with baby either in bed, a chair, on a sofa or other surface, that you look up the Lullaby Trust co-sleeping guidelines. It’s very important to realise that falling asleep on a soft surface like the sofa or in a chair carries a higher risk of SIDs and that’s something I hope this campaign will successfully highlight.

Why I Ruled Out Co-Sleeping

When I was pregnant, I came across articles that warned me away from bed-sharing. On her first visit after the birth of my daughter, my health visitor asked how and where my little bundle was sleeping and I responded that we had a Moses basket. But the truth was, no one was getting very much sleep at all.

Along with the natural desire for closeness that the fourth trimester brings Alex had a tongue tie. And unknown to us at this point, she also had a dairy allergy! This made for a very unsettled and unhappy baby. In the early days one breastfeed ran into another and those first few nights were a blur, worse still, my stitches failed. I’d been so worried about falling asleep in bed with my little girl that I was making sure I got up and fed her in the nursing chair before putting her back in her Moses basket.

A few weeks in, exhausted, bleeding, broken and ever-so-slightly hallucinating due to lack of sleep, I turned up at my local breastfeeding group and was shown the safer co-sleeping C position for feeding and sleeping by other in-the-know mums. And it was this that probably saved my sanity. I was advised to look up and follow the LLL Safe Sleep 7 Guidelines, which I have always followed.

The La Leche League Safe Sleep Seven

• I breastfed day and night which helps to reduce SIDs risk

• Baby was full term and a good birth weight

• I put baby on her back

• I did not swaddle her (she had a lightweight sleeping bag)

• We have a super firm mattress and kept the sleep area clear with a sidecar crib or bed rail preventing her from rolling off

• Neither myself or my partner smokes

• I didn’t drink alcohol and bedshare

On recommendations from other mums, I bought a sidecar crib, where Alex was placed around 60% of the time after feeds. But whether I planned to put her back into her crib or not, I was sure to follow the safer 7 guidelines for safe co-sleeping each time.

What I Wore for Breastfeeding in Bed

There were no pillows or duvet near baby; instead, she slept in a lightweight sleeping bag. To keep warm, I wore long-sleeved tops so that my arms didn’t get chilly. I took the buttons off the front of button up pyjama tops to make breastfeeding easy. My hair was tied back out of the way. I used blankets or sheets half way up my body but tucked round me, so Alex couldn’t get tangled in them. And my pregnancy pillow came in handy for a few more months as I used it propped behind my back.

Because I was breastfeeding, Alex’s risk of SIDs was reduced. I’ve never been a smoker and avoided alcohol when bed sharing. Keeping my ‘colicky’ baby close reassured her and provided us both with a little calm, particularly when she suffered reactions to me accidentally consuming dairy. My partner who works in hospitality usually gets home in the middle of the night. So it made sense for him to move into the spare room so we could all get as much rest as possible.

I don’t doubt that co-sleeping allowed me to get more sleep, even with a child who woke hourly beyond the age of one. My little girl suffered with terrible reflux due to her allergies. I think that the discomfort during the first five months meant that regular waking became partially out of habit. But with her right next to me, she would rouse momentarily before going back to sleep very quickly.

Moving my Bed-sharing Baby into Her Own Room

Alex moved into the nursery, temporarily, at 14 months. By this time she was sleeping in 2-3 hour blocks. She might happily sleep in her bed for the first few hours but after a few wakes she would inevitably end up snuggled up with me. Writing sentences that make sense gets harder when you’ve not slept more than a few hours in a row.

At 16 months I gently night weaned Alex, so she no longer expects a feed if she wakes up. By this time she was generally only waking once or twice a night. Some people said she would never sleep through if she stayed in my bed. So I when she started, I was pretty smug. She still likes to start the day around 5am. But generally speaking, sleeps quite happily and settles herself if she stirs.

We gave sleeping separately another go at Christmas time because Santa wanted to put Alex’s stocking into her room. She was a little trooper and did very well. If she woke, I’d pop in to hold her hand and she would dose back off. But was soon back to waking a couple of times each night instead of sleeping through and it wasn’t really worth the hassle.

I spend most nights squashed into a third of a small double bed. In fact, her cuddly toy regularly gets more bed space than me. She has this annoying/cute habit of curling her feet under my bottom to ensure we are touching at all times. And it’s really quite annoying that she still doesn’t like to sleep with a duvet. But, I’m really grateful that other mamas talked me through making bed sharing as safe as I possibly could. Bed-sharing isn’t for everyone. But if you’re planning on bed-sharing or think you could end up doing so accidentally, it’s wise to be aware of the guidelines.

Already co-sleeping with a toddler? Let us know if your sleeping arrangements look anything like my nightly reality below.