New Dad Wants To Move In With Parents For Sleep

One very concerned grandmother has shared that her adult son wants to move back home after welcoming a new baby!

Sleep deprivation is part and parcel of parenting a new baby; the fourth trimester, normal biological sleep patterns, developmental leaps, they all become the 'lingo' of parents and by the time we're onto our second, third and beyond, it's old hat. However, this doesn't mean that it's right to not do your fair share, no matter how hard you're finding your first foray into parenting!

After struggling with the lack of refreshing sleep, the new dad asked his parents if he could move back in with them part-time... if FIVE nights a week can be classed as part-time!?

In her post on the parenting forum Mumsnet, the new grandmother explained that her son, 27, was struggling with the lack of sleep and had begged to move back home five nights per week for some extra sleep so that he could continue his job effectively. Her husband has been left 'outraged' at the request, and the new grandmother, refreshingly, is not making a martyr out of her son (those of you with awkward in-laws will likely approve).

She admitted to feeling 'confused' as 'surely other parents don't do that - I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea'. She then asked other parents on Mumsnet to share how they'd respond.

What was the general consensus?

The overall consensus was that the new dad needs to 'grow up' and that he is a 'silly, selfish boy'. Our favourite comment was...

"I think I’d be giving him a very sharp talking to about being a parent and not thinking it was acceptable to leave it all to his girlfriend. Silly, selfish boy."

Our verdict...

Ooft. Whilst we fully empathise that it can be harder for the 'breadwinner' to deal with lack of sleep, there are absolutely ways to mitigate this without effectively abandoning your spouse and child. It's quite selfish, really. Parenting isn't easy, it doesn't come with a manual, and often we're left underprepared for the harsh reality but the fact is, we have to learn to adapt, and we do get there eventually! Working parents everywhere have to learn how to take this life change into account - expecting to be able to run back to your parents to 'escape' your responsibilities is just unfathomable.

By all means, split night feeds (if not breastfeeding) in a way that gives the parent working full time more sleep, perhaps sleep in different bedrooms for a few months so that you can still do a feed and nappy change at some point in the night, or do the housework before/after work to allow a breastfeeding parent to nap more during the day after a long intense night of cluster feeding, but moving out is very extreme. As the grandmother in question correctly points out, other parents certainly don't do this, although it isn't unheard of for a grandparent to move IN to help out!

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