My Saving Grace

Ten seconds. It took both tests what felt like ten seconds to tell me I was pregnant.

It wasn’t a fairy tale moment. The soon to be dad was waiting behind the door for me to tell him it was all a scare and that we could go back planning our travels as a carefree NEW couple. Yep that’s right, we were pretty much just getting to know each other six months in and then…KNOCK KNOCK special delivery!! To say I was shocked is an understatement. We did what all couples do to ‘stay safe’ but Grace is a determined little soul, even back then! I didn’t take her little surprise very well at first and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was a mess: panicked, beyond scared and most importantly NOT READY.

It took us a while to adjust and lets just say pregnancy and I didn’t get on too well. Boke boke and more boke with a good bit of no sleep added in for extra flavour. I was miserable. I wanted to see more of the world. I wanted time alone with Craig. I wanted to be selfish for longer and I lastly didn’t want to fail at being a mummy. I felt like a monster because women are supposed to long for babies, right? What was wrong with me????

Then it happened…..I had my first scan and my world stopped. My old world. There she was. MY baby. I still hated pregnancy but I loved every minute of protecting my little surprise and keeping her safe until she was ready to make an entrance and boy did she arrive in style! All ten pounds of her!!

What I’m really trying to say is sometimes the thing you fear the most is exactly what you’ve always needed. We ladies CAN do whatever we put our minds to and if that doesn’t involve becoming a mum then who cares?! Being a parent is not what makes you a strong woman but it’s what helped me realise my full potential and my strength. For me it is the most terrifying thing I’ve even done but it’s the most beautiful experience of my life. I’ve always felt like something was missing. I tried to fill the gap with different dreams, jobs, goals, relationships and countries. I never thought I’d be a part of someone’s happy little family but then I was given a gift. My saving Grace.