After trying for years to conceive and the exhausting process of IVF… my ex partner and I became extremely distant and decided to separate.

I was 27 then and my life felt like it was worthless as I thought I’d be too old to try for children again in the future…having to find someone and make sure thay they would be the one to father a child etc. So this was one of the few bad patches I was experiencing in life and of course I turned to wine and going out with the girls.

It wasn’t long before I met someone (a rebound). I was silly and didn’t use contraception but I knew that conception wasn’t an issue due to my existing conditions which had already proven that it was hard for me to make a baby.

Anyway… as I already knew it would… it fazed out after a couple of months and I was back to being me again. Still drinking the odd glass of wine but focusing on getting myself where I needed to be.

I took my nephews on a mini break to my Nana’s caravan and poured myself a glass of wine to enjoy whilst sat in the sun on the decking… a few sips and I was throwing my guts up! Not normal for me at all. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the glass. A few days later I was still feeling sick.. I thought it was odd and began thinking when my last period was. I was late!!

On the 5th May 2017 I took a pregnancy test… positive!! I cried. But I was over the moon at the same time. A baby is all I’ve ever wanted… what I was put on this earth for. The situation, however was not one that I had expected. There was no other option for me other than to be a mum to my unborn baby and I was excited!

I made the father aware of the news and made him understand that I would not ask for anything and I would do it alone if he did not want to be around. There was no discussion of a termination, however he admitted that he didn’t want to be a father for a second time and that I would be on my own. This was fine… I have enough love to give to my baby and would be Mum AND Dad.

During my pregnancy I was very busy! I needed to make sure I was 100% ready for the arrival of a little person and I wanted to give her the best start. I saved enough money within this short time for a deposit on a house and got my very own mortgage!! It was all very scary but exciting. I moved into my very own home in November 2017 and by Christmas I was ready.

On 1st Feb 2018 I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl and named her Isla-Jade. She is 4 months old now and let me tell you… they have been the hardest 4 months of my life but the most rewarding!

For the first week of her life… wow… did I struggle?! I absolutely loved being a new Mum but I breastfed and every night I would cry and cry due to the pain! It felt like Isla was constantly on my boobs and I was drained. I called my Dad one night in tears… he said I needed to stop trying to be super mum and that if breastfeeding wasn’t working for me then I should change to formula instead. This was a hard thing for me to do as I always planned to breastfeed and I cried even more at the thought. But I did decide to switch and since then.. .there haven’t been any more tears (well….) haha.

I have always been around babies. I have 2 nephews and a niece which I would babysit for at every opportunity. Most of my friends have children too. ‘It’s really easy’ I thought!! Hahaha… until you have your own!

My family and friends have been amazing… I get help when I need it although most of the time I like to just do everything myself. I don’t intend on a night away from my princess any time soon. We enjoy each other’s company and I am trying to be the best mum I can. Of course I have doubted myself on many occasions already!

We have managed a routine now which I’m sure will change at some point during her first year but if it works for now and makes life easier and enjoyable for both of us then I’m happy.

From one Mum to another… cheers!!

Xxx