AITA: Won't Have Sister Around My Baby

Babies and small children simply aren't for everyone.

However, it can be rather problematic, not to mention upsetting, to someone who starts a family when an important person in their life is filled with apathy and indifference towards children - or even displays open disdain towards them. We can imagine that it must feel isolating and lonely; you wouldn't be able to talk about or share such a lifechanging time of your life with that special person!

One sad mum took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to share her experience of the above and ask; is she in the wrong for not allowing her sister around her daughter due to her open dislike of babies and small children?

Read the full post below.

"I had my daughter (8f) when I was 22. My sister was 25 at the time. I don’t know when she became childfree. At my baby shower she had a frown on her face the whole time and would say things like “Oh another expensive gift, wowww. Could pay my rent if I sold that”.

My pregnancy was quite scary but everything turned out fine. When my family came to the hospital to greet and hold her, my sister refused to even touch her. Her explanation was that she “Doesn’t like small kids, especially babies, and never wants to have them”. I was quite sad at this, and asked her why she wouldn’t want to interact with her own family just because she doesn’t like or want kids. She just shrugged, and handed me a congrats card. The rest of the family was horrified and she kinda became an outcast at that point. She was always starting some kind of drama with someone.

Fast forward to now, a couple months ago she started showing more interest in my daughter. She’d call and ask what her favorite colors and movies were. Drop her presents off on my door. I asked her why after all this time, she wanted to get to know my daughter.

She said it was because my daughter was quite older now and wasn’t a screaming baby. “She can hold a conversation now so I think we’ll get along just fine”.

I shook my head and said she made her decision to not interact with her years ago. I told her she doesn’t just get to randomly decide when she wants to act like an aunt. “I don’t even think you love her. How could you? You don’t even call me half the time.”

She said she was trying to be an aunt, I just had to give her a chance. I told her I had tried giving her many chances and she blew it. She called me an asshole, said I couldn’t let go of the past and that she knew me getting pregnant was the end of the sister she once knew. She hung up and I told my husband everything. He says I have every right not to let her in my daughters life but I feel so unsure. The rest of the family agrees.

Someone asked if she had been mean to me and the baby at some point so I’m putting this here as well:

After the family started shutting her out, she did talk crap about me and the baby on social media, to others etc. I did give her many other chances to apologize and be in her nieces life despite this, but she blew it everytime. Plus she had been a problem wayyy before I even got pregnant. She just wasn’t pleasant to be around unfortunately and most people were done dealing with her.

She did stop the drama after awhile, she didn’t keep talking crap for 8 years. But the damage was/is done.

Edit: I’ve answered most repeated questions, please look at my comment history."

Read the full thread here on Reddit.

What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted 'NTA' (Not The Asshole). It's safe to say that the readers were all outraged by the behaviour of the aunt, calling her 'selfish' and calling out her behaviour as unreasonable. The top rated comment was;

"NTA. Decisions have consequences. Being childfree is fine, but to refuse to interact with someone for a almost a decade and then act like she can just waltz back in and everything will be smooth sailing is ridiculous. Life doesn't work like that. She's only thinking of herself and not your child.

Your child is a stranger to her. They have no bond. She missed out on her entire life and now selfishly wants back in. You don't need to give her a chance if it means protecting your daughter from people that aren't good for her."

Our verdict...

This is a tough one but ultimately, we think that it's never ok to 'talk crap' about anyone, especially not an innocent baby, on social media or anywhere else. You can't pick and choose when to be involved in someone's life; to us, the aunt is now only interested now that her niece is past the baby and toddler stage. It's absolutely ok to not enjoy small children, but is it fair to ignore someone's existence for the first eight years of their life and then expect to jump right in and play the cool, fun aunt role when it suits you? Not really. Forming a familial bond takes years and can't just be 'bought' with gifts.

It's also really quite sad that the poster had such a scary pregnancy and lacked the support and strength of her own sister when she needed her the most. The fact that other family members distanced themselves due to her comments also says a lot to us about her overall personality and demeanour; unpleasant would be a good guess.

Could there be room for a familial reconciliation here? Perhaps, but only if the sister realises that her behaviour has been really unpleasant and well past the acceptable realms of 'I don't like children' passiveness, and is genuinely remorseful. However, sometimes, it's just too little, too late.

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