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Dealing with unsolicited comments about our weight is hard to handle, especially when we're pregnant!
We've noticed that a huge number of mums in our parenting community sadly seem to have family and in-laws who think that it's acceptable to body shame them; often under the guise of 'it's because we care' - a dubious claim to say the least. It's hard enough to handle the criticism, whether it's backhanded or indirect, when we're NOT pregnant - let alone when we're carrying a baby!
One expectant mum took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask, is she out of line for walking out of her own baby shower after her MIL (mother-in-law) once again body shamed her and then denied her access to food!
Read the post below...
'Before I start I'd like to say that I'm a bit of a big girl. No shame in that, I love myself just the way I am and I have been living by the motto "be you, everybody else's taken".
MIL (DH's mom) always made comments about my weight, eversince I got pregnant, she started making more comments while low key shaming me for what I eat.
Whenever I visit, she'd give me smaller plate, portion, cup even spoons. She also buys me "small size" clothes even though I'm in my 2nd trimester and those clothes don't fit.
My SIL decided to throw me a baby shower after my DH denied when my sister offered to throw me one. The whole side of my inlaws are invited. Mom refused to come after what DH said to my sister (another story for later).
I got there and MIL was in charge of serving food to the guests. All that was served was cakes and juice. I got hungry from talking and I got up to eat some cake. The second I put my hand on the cake. MIL grabbed my arm and said that I'd gained enough weight already and that if "I keep this" up her son will not be happy living with "a large Walrus". I was shocked I didn't know how to react especially since she said this out loud. She looked at me in a "sorry-not-sorry" kind of way. I put the cake down and grabbed my stuff and started walking. Her daughter stopped me saying I can't leave mid party and embarrass her like that. I told her to tell her mom to leave if she wanted me to stay but she went off and said "Are you crazy? She's my mom! you want me to kick her out infront of everybody?". I turned around and kept walking. I called mom to come pick me up and went home.
DH came home looking furious. He asked me to explain what I did at the baby shower and why. I mentioned what his mom did and he started ranting about how I fucked this up over something so minor. I told him it wasn't minor in my opinion since she literally cut me off food and didn't let me eat when I was hungry. He said that his mom meant well and that I needed to get rid of this "easily offended" mindset immedietly before I pass it down to our son. He said that cakes are essential foods, and that this was not a good enough reason to walk out the baby shower that his mom and sister put a ton of money, time and effort into. He said that I had hours to call and fix things up but I refused. I went to stay with my mom because he wouldn't stop pressuting me to call and apologize for what happened.
He kept talking about how pissed and let down his mom and sister feel and called me ungrateful and spiteful for doing what I did.
Am I overreacting here?
More info: Lot of of you asked what my DH said to my sister and what was the argument about.
The answer is, My sister is infertile. has been for years. DH claimed that she's becone "obssessed" with the baby simply just because she bought me stuff for the baby as gifts and wanted to throw me a baby shower. My sister is a great person and I have no doubt that she only did all that just because of how great she is/will be as an aunt. My DH kepts insisting there was "something wrong" with her which led to a fight between them and he ended up calling her "possessive b&/$". My mom kicked him out and my sister cut contact with him. The issue got worse with my BIL (her husband) arguing with DH as well.'
Find the main thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole by nearly 20,000 voters! The response in the comments was bombastic and very much in favour of the pregnant poster, with the top rated comment not only addressing her being denied food, but also summarising the toxicity of other elements of the sorry saga...
'NTA so your own sisters wasn't allowed to throw you a baby shower, which then cause your mum not to attend. Instead your husband allowed his sister to throw one, where your MIL bullied you.
Is he/his family trying to control you, isolate you from your family or is this a once off?
Edit: I made this comment and logged off, I've come back to an overwhelming response. Thank you to everyone for the awards.'
I just hope OP can set some boundaries with her husband about his and his mother's terrible treatment.
MIL is likely to make comments to their child if they are overweight which is concerning too.
Our verdict...
We've not got much to say other than, wow. The top rated comment certainly summarised our feelings well! Fundamentally, this MIL is a bully, and her son needs to drop the 'mummy's boy' status in favour of protecting his wife and unborn child - boundaries are important but they don't mean you need to disown your family to maintain them!
Walking out, in retrospect, was a calm and diplomatic decision; making a hungry, hormonal and pregnant woman angry is not a clever idea!
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