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Naming a baby after a loved one is one of the most sentimental ways to honour them, especially if they've passed away.
However, is it acceptable to use the name of an ex partner who died, no matter how important they were to you? Tricky question.
One expectant dad took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if he's in the wrong for wanting to use the name of his former partner of six years to name their unborn child. His former partner an important figure in his life and remained a friend in the two years between their breaking up and her death, but his wife doesn't share the same sentiment and reacted negatively.
Read the post below...
"I (34M) and my wife (31F) are expecting a child in 12 weeks time. We don't know the sex of the baby but we've started thinking about baby names. A couple of nights ago we were suggesting names. I had a girlfriend for around 6 years before meeting my now wife. Unfortunately she passed away and I was absolutely devastated. It's still painful to think about and I always imagined naming a child in her memory. I also just love the name itself (Nancy). When I made the suggestion to my wife she seemed unimpressed. She told me she didn't really feel comfortable with doing that. She felt it was strange and didn't make sense as Nancy had been my girlfriend. The way I see it is that Nancy was very important to me for a really long time. She was my best friend and losing her was just a terrible thing. I feel as though it would be a great way to remember and honour a dear friend who I miss everyday. My wife doesn't share my views and honestly its caused a lot of issues. I dropped it and said it was important we both agreed on the name but she's still insisting it's strange and she doesn't understand why I suggested it. I don't know if she feels insecure or maybe the pregnancy is stressing her but she just won't drop it. I honestly don't see the issue whatsoever. AITA?
I just thought I'd put a quick edit/disclaimer/update here if anyone was interested. It seems like most people have said that I'm wrong in this situation which is understandable. I think I'll apologise again and hopefully the situation will end there. It probably was a weird idea and maybe I wasn't seeing that clearly as I'm still grieving to some extent. I also just wanted to make it clear that myself and Nancy weren't together when she passed. Nancy passed around two years after we separated but we had decided to stay friends. I met my wife around 2 months before Nancy and I separated. I probably should have mentioned that in the original post but maybe it doesn't make much of a difference. Anyway thanks for the feedback."
Find the original post here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted by the majority as the asshole in this situation, and the readers did not hold back with their opinions! The top rated comment was short and simple but summarised what thousands of readers were thinking;
'Yeah.... YTA. Not how you intended it, but it comes across of "Hey wife you're my second choice, so lets name our kid after what would have been my first choice".'
Our verdict...
We fully understand the sentiment behind wanting to use this name for his new baby - Nancy was a special person in his life, but it definitely goes over the line. If it were a deceased aunt, sister, grandmother, or platonic friend, perhaps as his wife we'd be comfortable with that. But an ex partner who he was with for a long period of time? We'd absolutely feel like we were the second choice, and be concerned that our husband is still pining over his lost love who passed away. Our baby would remind us of that every time we used her name and we agree with the many comments expressing that it's weird and uncomfortable, as much as we have sympathy for the loss of someone so special to the poster.
We don't think he's an asshole, and we're glad he admitted in his edit that he is still grieving - but naming his baby after this woman won't make him feel any better about his loss.
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