AITA: Paused Husband's Game at Bath Time

How would you feel if your other half did NOTHING to help around the house or with baby?

We know that this is a bone of contention for so many of you, so you'll unfortunately relate somewhat.

Parenting and co-habiting takes teamwork. What works for one family, won't work for another; sometimes, one parent/partner may take on more than the other, due to time, work commitments etc, and if it's both mutual and working, then that's fantastic. However, when one parent is drowning and struggling to do everything, whilst the other parent behaves in an inconsiderate and quite frankly lazy manner even when repeatedly asked for support, this isn't fair. It's not mutual, it doesn't work, and it needs addressing.

One exhausted mother took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's out of line for pausing her husband's computer game when he put his gaming over bathing their baby at their usual bathtime. It's worth noting here that both parents work, but the mum is not only expected to do everything around the house and for baby, but also to take time off her job when their baby is sick. For additional context, the mum has managed to juggle all of this and still reach a really high rank in the military, so she must be absolutely exhausted. We seriously feel for her, but we're also incredibly proud of her achievements, in spite of everything she's having to deal with.

tired-mummy

Read the full post below...

"I (23F) paused the internet on every single device in the apartment because my husband (23M) refused to get off of the game to give our 8mo son a bath on time. I know this sounds like YTA but let me explain, there’s a lot of background information that went into this decision. My husband does not help with the household whatsoever. Doesn’t wash dishes, do laundry, clean any room of the house, cook dinner, etc. He’ll get home and throw off his uniform onto the floor and leave it there until the next day. If the house is dirty, he’ll chide me and tell me that I don’t do anything, I don’t clean enough, I don’t cook dinner enough, etc.

Our biggest issue is the baby. I am the main caretaker for our son 99.9% of the time. I get up with him during the night when he wakes up crying. My husband will here or there, but he’ll start screaming at me about how he needs his rest and I need to get up. If our son is sick, I’m the one that takes off work. I’ve missed almost 6 week of work in the past 3 months because my husband wouldn’t even ask his supervisor if he could stay home one of those days. I’m the one that gets up at 6 am and stays up with our son until about 12pm-1PM and that’s when I tell my husband he needs to get up and take care of the baby so I can take a nap (he sleeps anywhere from 8-14hrs a day while I take a nap between 1-4hrs). Once I get up, he complains that I’ve been sleeping “all day” while he’s been taking care of the baby by himself and I’m lazy.

I recently got promoted to E-5 after being up 3 times in a row and taking a hard exam that I studied for. My husband unfortunately didn’t make it this time around and is still an E-3, and he blames me for it, saying if he didn’t have to transfer after a year at his previous command he would’ve made it. My husband told me that it’s not a surprise that I made it because my job is easy and all we do is sit at computers all day while he works out in the sun and cold on equipment (I’m in intelligence and he’s got a manual labor job). Then he’ll say he’s joking and didn’t mean to be rude, but this is a constant thing he does. I paused the game tonight because every night we feed our son and give him a bath at 7pm on the dot. He’s always had this routine.

After I fed the baby, I told my husband that it was time for the bath (after I already laid out all the baby supplies and clothes for after bath) and my husband told me to “just sit the baby down in the playpen until he’s done with the game”. I gently told him no, that it’s bedtime and I wasn’t going to shift our son’s routine so he could play the game for an extra half hour and my husband needs to learn to prioritize. I then paused the game and my husband flew off the handle, threatening to break my phone and refused to give our son a bath and called me lazy for not doing it instead. My husband literally hops on the game and plays from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. AITA?"

Find the original post here on Reddit.

What was the general consensus?

We're pleased to say, mummy was voted NTA (Not The Asshole), and the Reddit readers who commented were full of support and advice. The top-rated comment was;

"A few things here:

First off, NTA. Obviously.

Second: you’re dual military and he’s acting like he’s the only one who’s working. He’s clearly unable to cope with your success, not to mention you’re basically cleaning up after two children. The fact you made it to E5 with all this madness is amazing, so I applaud you.

Third, and possibly the biggest point here: this relationship is concerning me a lot. He threatened to BREAK YOUR PHONE? I’m BH in the military, and this stuff escalates. Consider couples counseling (unsure he’ll be on board) or think about… ways to get out. I know it’s not what you want to hear with a young baby and being military, I’m assuming your family isn’t nearby, but seriously, find a way to become independent of this man and find your way.

I wish you and your baby the best."

Our verdict...

We think that the top-rated comment says it all. This man is clearly insecure that his wife has been so successful, even with the proverbial 'glass ceiling' that women (particularly mothers) face. It feels to us that he's trying to sabotage her progress, as well as being, quite simply, a lazy sh*t who is obsessed with gaming and prioritising that over his duties as a father and a husband. He needs to grow up, and fast - or sooner rather than later, this woman will leave him in the dust. She deserves better. All parents deserve a little break for leisure time here and there, but not at the expense of their spouse or their kids!

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