AITA: Mum Straightened My Child's Hair

Having our parenting undermined has to be up there in the 'top 10 parenting bugbears' list.

So many of you in our online parenting community struggle with overbearing family speaking and acting out of turns when it comes to matters involving YOUR children; more often than not, it's an errant parent or parent-in-law breaching those important boundaries.

One upset mother took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask, is she the asshole for shouting at her mother for straightening her child's hair without asking first. We're not talking a temporary job with electric hair straighteners; this story involves harsh hair relaxers!

Read the full post below...

"I (F35) am married to my husband (M36). For context, we are a mixed race couple. I am white, and my husband is black.

We have a daughter (9F) 'Chloe'. Before I had Chloe, I ensured to learn as much as I could about how to take care of and style afro/coily hair to prepare.

Chloe, as we expected, has very thick, curly hair. Her hair type is 3C.

My mother (56F) occasionally has Chloe over for the day, Chloe really enjoys spending time with her grandmother and it's nice for them to have a bond.

Here's where I might be the AH.

Two weeks ago, my mother kindly offered to have Chloe over for a weekend sleepover as my husband was sick with the flu and I needed to attend my friend's funeral which was out of town. This took a lot of pressure off of us and we were very grateful.

However, when I went on the Sunday to go collect Chloe, I was absolutely shocked. My mother had used a chemical relaxer on Chloe's hair to straighten it. My mother never mentioned this to me nor asked for my permission.

I asked my mother why on earth she thought this was appropriate, to which she replied that Chloe looks better with her hair straight. I didn't want to have an outburst in front of my young daughter so I said nothing and drove her home. I asked Chloe if she liked her hair to which she said yes, and happily said her hair looks like Rapunzel's.

Although I'm happy Chloe seems to like it, it is very evident that her hair is extremely damaged, and I'm worried that it could fall out, as it is already thinning a lot. We live in a rural area so we would need to travel to get to any hairdresser who can deal with Chloe's hair type.

Later that day when Chloe couldn't hear me, I rang my mother and yelled at her and told her that what she did was unacceptable and that she won't be allowed to babysit Chloe again. My mother got extremely defensive and said that Chloe's hair looked like "it could've done with a change" and told me that I'm being a snowflake. I hung up the phone because I was so angry.

My husband thinks that my mother is in the wrong and that I was right to tell her she won't be allowed to babysit again. However my friends and siblings think that I am overreacting and that it's just hair and Chloe likes her new look so I shouldn't be mad."

Read the full thread on Reddit here.

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What was the general consensus?

Nearly 6000 readers voted the poster NTA (not the asshole) for her reaction. It was generally very much agreed that using hair relaxers on young children is dangerous, as they contain harsh chemicals that could badly irritate young eyes, lungs and skin, not to mention the damage that they can do to hair; permission should have been sought at the first instance.

The top voted comment was; "As a black woman I am pissed!! This is not an overreaction and in some instances would be considered assaulted. She had no right to do that to your child. Oh I'm so mad! NTA. And to OP: do not back down. You know this isn't ok. Your mom, family, and friends know this isn't ok. Protect your child at all cost."

Our verdict...

We're fully on board with this mum. Anything that alters a child's appearance should ALWAYS be ran past the parents first, be that a piercing, hair cut, or use of hair products like hair relaxers. As the mum is white, as is the grandmother in question, we do accept that this could partially be down to lack of understanding of black haircare but in that instance, the onus is on the grandmother to research, ask people within the black community for tips and advice on appropriate haircare, and most importantly, ASK her daughter before doing something so drastic.

Kudos to the poster for remining calm and civil in front of her young daughter!

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