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Is there anything as irritating as being undermined in your choices surrounding pregnancy & parenting?
Why do we see so many posts in our community group and on Reddit about in-laws causing upset to parents over their parenting choices? Without exaggerating, it's such a common theme that we can't help but feel exasperated, as well as extremely sorry for everyone experiencing this issue. One expectant mum has shared on the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board that she had to go to extreme lengths to put her mother-in-law off the scent. Imagine having to lie about the gender of your unborn child because you're so exhausted with your boundaries being disrespected; it then backfired at her baby shower. Awkward!
Read the main post below...
"I didn't really want a gender reveal party but my husband's family made a big deal about it so I agreed.
My mother-in-law was convinced that I knew the gender and insisted I tell her. I totally didn't and I told her that fact.
She wore me down after a month of bothering me about it. She begged me and promised that she wouldn't tell anyone. This was all in texts. I told her it was a girl.
I figured it was a 50/50 chance and it would get he off my back.
Well she lied. When we cut the cake to reveal a blue inside there was a really awkward silence. She had told literally all of the guests from her side of the family so they could bring appropriate gifts.
My friends and family quickly gathered around to congratulate is on our son.
She came over and hissed at me that I made her look stupid. I reminded her that she had PROMISED not to tell anyone.
She said she had never promised so I showed her our text conversation. Some of the family were right there when I did that so they heard her admit that she lied and had never intended to keep that promise.
She said that it was a dick move and that I only did it to embarrass her. I again reminded her that o had told her on multiple occasions that I did not know the gender.
My husband wants me to apologize to keep the peace. I probably will but I don't think I was an asshole like she seems to think."
Find the main thread here on Reddit...
What was the general consensus?
Were we surprised to see the poster voted NTA (Not The Asshole)? Absolutely not. In fact, she was applauded for quick-thinking, which put the errant MIL under the spotlight and greatly embarrassed her as she had been caught out in front of multiple people.
The top comment was; "NTA. She embarrassed herself. "I’m sorry you embarrassed yourself by lying” is about the only apology I’d be willing to give."
Our favourite comment on the thread was; "NTA. And I'm sick of people being told they should apologise when they did nothing wrong in order to keep the peace. Being forced to appease bullies / people who break boundaries is harmful. Submerging yourself to please others is harmful. Not having the person who did wrong held to account is harmful."
Our verdict...
Whilst we'd encourage parents in our community to be assertive and set a firm boundary - 'no' is a complete sentence, after all - not everyone is as confident, and we can't blame someone for saying anything to save their sanity in this situation. There was always a 50% chance that the poster was correct, and how was she to know her mother-in-law would tell everyone before a gender reveal party, thus rendering the reveal pointless?! We certainly wouldn't apologise either, and the poster is not the asshole in this situation - in fact, she deserves an apology more than anyone! It's bad enough that she was put under pressure to have a gender reveal party, the rest of this debacle is just the proverbial icing on the cake.
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