AITA: Husband Took Toddler To a Bar

How would you feel if your child was taken to a bar?

Unless there's a booked family party or gathering there, before 'happy hour' when things get rowdy, it's pretty safe to say that bars are a controversial place to take a small child, for so many reasons. In the US, some bars are referred to as 'dive bars', which can be taken to mean an establishment that is somewhat rough around the edges. One mum took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's out of line for being furious at her husband for taking their todder to a dive bar to meet his friends.

Read the post below...

"My husband (37M) had plans to go golfing with friends yesterday afternoon. He usually picks up our 3-year old son from daycare everyday, but since he was going to be golfing, I switched my work schedule around so I could pick him up. However, there was an emergency at work that required me to change my plans again. I immediately called my husband to let him know and to apologize for causing him to miss his golf game. He said he understood and thanked me for giving him a heads up before he left work early.

I spent the rest of the day running around like crazy at work trying to solve problems and put out fires. By the time I left I was exhausted. I was really looking forward to changing into sweats and just relaxing at home. But when I got there my husband and son weren't there. I called him and he said that he took our son to meet his friends after their golf game. I asked him where they were and he said they were at his favorite dive bar.

Now, I enjoy a good dive bar too, but this place is nowhere near acceptable for a toddler. Yes, they serve food and the wings are good, but it's not always the nicest crowd, I've seen people doing drugs there, it's hardly ever clean, the floor is always sticky, etc. It's my husband's favorite place to hang out with his friends, but it's not exactly family friendly.

I was pissed that he thought taking our son to a place like that was acceptable. I immediately drove over there (it's only 5-minutes from our house) to take our son home. When I got there, our son was sitting in his dad's lap in a booth because they didn't even have high-chairs. The table was littered with beers and wings and my son was covered in mac n cheese.

My husband tried to greet me but I pretty much just grabbed our son and took him home. My husband followed me out to the parking lot and asked me what my problem was. I asked him if he was serious because it should be obvious to anyone that he was wrong to bring our son there. He tried to make excuses that I made him miss his golf game and he still wanted to see his friends, so this was his solution to both see his friends and take care of our son.

I told him that bringing a toddler to a dive bar is not taking care of our son and it's borderline neglectful. He told me to calm down and that our son was fed and happy and was having fun hanging out with his "uncles." I hate being told to calm down so that pissed me off even more. I told my husband that he's an idiot for taking our son to a place like that and that he's lucky nothing bad happened. He told me I was overreacting but I told him I was reacting proportionally to his idiocy.

When he got home an hour later he immediately tried to talk to me about it and to justify what he did, but I wasn't having it. I told him that what he did was dumb and reckless. He said that just because I had a bad day at work doesn't mean I get to take it out on him when he was the one who covered for me and missed out on golfing."

Read the full thread here on Reddit.

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What was the general consensus?

We were actually pretty surprised by the response to this; the poster was voted to be the asshole! As parents, our first instinct was to side with the mum; is a bar really an appropriate place to take a toddler? But then when we read though the comments, we were able to see the other perspective of things. One of the top rated comments was...

"I honestly gotta go with YTA here because what you've said loud and clear is that you don't trust the boy's father to ensure the boy is safe.

Borderline neglectful? Absurd. Absolutely absurd.

Dive bar not GREAT but it was the middle of the afternoon and the kid was on dad's lap.

Neglectful...sheesh."

Our verdict...

We are definitely sitting on the fence here. A dive bar... not the most sensible place to take a toddler, and perhaps daddy should have asked his friends to meet him somewhere else for their meal and catch-up, but on the whole, the poster was a tad harsh to her husband. Fundamentally, he was in good hands with his dad, who didn't appear to be drinking to excess although perhaps next time, avoiding alcohol altogether would be the most responsible choice. Their toddler was fed well, by her own observation, and had fun. It was also a calm lunch time, not happy hour with rowdy drunks and the potential for unrest - context is key.

As for the reputation for drug use on premesis - again, context is important. Was this actually witnessed? Would it be going on in broad daylight? The jury is out on this element to the story but we do concede that if there's any truth to this, it does add weight to mum's argument.

It's safe to say that we feel like her reaction was disproportionate (although not 100% unjustified), and the situation could have been resolved with calm conversation about where she is and isn't comfortable with her child being taken. Taking their toddler away from him and accusing him, indirectly, of being neglectful was excessive and will dent the confidence of a father who was just making the best out of an unexpected situation, as well as creating a culture of mistrust.

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