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The impending arrival of a new baby is such an exciting time, particularly for close knit families.
As many of you will have experienced first-hand, enthusiastic family and friends often go out of their way to shower us with gifts for our new baby - toys, furniture, money, clothing, there's nothing too much for their future grandchild/niece/nephew etc! How grateful did you feel when people kindly sent you gifts for your baby? We were so touched!
However, when it's your own birthday during pregnancy or baby's early days, how would you feel about only being gifted things for your baby, and not for yourself? Would it be right to feel slighted? One mummy-to-be asked Reddit this very question.
Taking to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board, the disappointed new mum shared her experience and asked if she's in the wrong or being ungrateful. Read on for more...
"So I just had a baby a few months ago and a lot of people have been really generous with buying us baby clothes. I asked my family to stop because we have more than enough clothes. We also get hand me downs but some family insist on buying brand new stuff for us because they don't want my baby wearing "just hand me downs".
So it was my birthday a week ago and a few family members got me birthday gifts. One family member gave me a huge fancy gift bag and inside was all baby stuff. Bibs, clothes and soothers all stuff I already have and don't need more of. I guess I look disappointed so she made a coment about how rude it was to not appricate a gift. Another family member sheepishly handed me another gift and it was another fucking "I love my mom" type of onesie. I tried to act thankful but some family members could tell I was upset.
Several people have told me I was ungrateful and selfish and I should just appreciate what I've gotten but I'm so upset. I feel like no one cares about me just my daughter. When I told a friend about this they said I'm an asshole for being jealous of my child and I should just appreciate all the nice things they got for my baby.
Am I the asshole for not appreciating what I got. Am I honestly being jealous of my baby? I didn't want anything extravagant this year I would have been happy with something from the thrift store as long as was meant for me and not my child. I felt like some people used my birthday as an excuse to go baby shopping. I know everyone is excited for my baby and I love them more than anything but it's like everyone has forgotten about me."
Read the full post here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The new mum was, thankfully, voted 'NTA' (not the asshole) by thousands of readers who, on the whole, seemed to agree that she is a separate person to her new baby and, whilst the intentions of her loved ones weren't malicious, she's right to feel disappointed. The top rated comment really got us...
"NTA, it's your birthday, not your child's. Unless you specifically asked for baby clothes/stuff (some people do) they should buy things for YOU, not your children. You're not "just" a mother, you're yourself : a whole person, and you're allowed to be treated as such everyday and even more at your birthday. I'm sorry it sucked, but for all it's worth I wish you a happy birthday and I hope you'll receive more support from your friends and family."
Our verdict...
As the top comment so succinctly pointed out; when you have a baby, you're still not just a mother, you're an individual with needs, likes and dislikes, and you have the right for YOUR birthday to be YOUR birthday, not just another day for your children to be treated - as adorable as it is when people absolutely love to lavish your precious baby with love and gifts.
We don't think there was any ill intent here, this is clearly a family who love this new baby but they seem to have forgotten that mum exists as her own entity, and if they were going to recognise her birthday by the medium of presenting gifts, those gifts should be for the person whose birthday it actually is; mum and baby are two separate, distinct people. As the poster mentioned, it shouldn't just be an excuse to go baby shopping to swoon over adorable clothes and toys.
Feeling put out doesn't make her jealous of her baby or ungrateful, it indicates that she's a normal human being who is perhaps slightly tired of being seen as 'just a mum'. We're sure many of you can relate!
On a final note - we can only imagine that this is how 'Christmas babies' feel when they're given joint birthday and Christmas gifts!
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