AITA: Won't Tell Husband Gender Of Our Baby

Finding out the gender of your baby is an experience many parents look forward to.

Many parents these days find out the gender of the baby and look forward to sharing the gender to friends and family in memorable reveals. Unfortunately, one expectant Father decided to miss the appointment as he isn't the one 'carrying the baby' leaving his pregnant partner angry, so angry she refuses to disclose the gender of the baby to him. She took to Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to see if she was in the wrong for withholding the information.

Read the post below:

"My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we're excited. Thing is he barely attends any dr appointments with me and his excuses aren't even valid. He's willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends. His response is always "I'm not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?".

Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby's gender reveal appointment but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish 'n' chips meal. I was pretty livid but didn't make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead.

He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me but I hung up each time. He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results but I refused and bluntly told him, since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby's born and said I was wiling to die on this hill. He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him. He said he's the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn't alone and mom was with me. I said he gets no results period.

He's been fuming about it and told his family and they're now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him but I declined.

AITA?

EDIT/UPDATE: Hi, so, first of all, wow!!! I did not expect this to blow up. Sorry, can't answer any comments because of feeling overwhelmed...um I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my dr to get the results. It didn't go well and we had another argument over it. He couldn't get it since his mom was the one who made the call."

Find the main thread here on Reddit

What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted to be NTA (Not The Asshole). People were quick to point out his priorities and how that probably won't change once the baby is here, unfortunately. One of the top comments said ;

"If he’s telling you “I’m not carrying the baby why do I have to go to the doctor with you” that’s going to turn into “I didn’t push out that baby, why should I look after it!!” Reeeealll quick.

Edit- NTA."

One of our favourite comments read;

"NTA. And also I really do wish that people (partners, family of both parties, extended friend groups etc) realised one very important thing about these scans: Finding out the gender (if you want to know) is a happy bonus. It is NOT the point of the actual scan.

The point of the scan is to find out if the baby is healthy and growing well! It's to confirm they have a heartbeat, that they have the appropriate limbs and organs, that their skull has grown over the brain, that there are no signs of a serious medical condition that is incompatible with life, and that there's nothing wrong with the placenta or anything that could cost you YOUR life.

Every day people go into these scans and get the worst news possible. And so many people dismiss that aspect because they're focused on what genitals the baby has.

Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby has between their legs, your partner should be grateful that he didn't get a phonecall from you sobbing in a waiting room going "There's something terribly wrong". If he had I doubt the fish and chips would have tasted quite so good afterwards."

Our verdict?

Dads are meant to be the foundation of our main support system when going through pregnancy and childbirth. A lot of emotions and anxiety often come with us Mums to the baby scans, and having support there makes all the difference. The fact he is saying he doesn't need to attend because he isn't carrying the baby is plain wrong, it's his child too. Unless there was a good enough excuse such as work or health appointments he should be there supporting Mum through her first pregnancy.

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