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Being a Step Mother is never a walk in the park, but is it really too much to ask the kids to pick up after themselves when they stay over?
It can be hard to know boundaries and what you can enforce in your own home when it comes to having step children over. One tired, new Mum took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask whether she might have expected a bit too much from her step kids when all six of them came to stay.
Read the main post below...
"I (31 F) have been married to husband (40 M) for 4 years now and have a 4 month old together. My husband had 6 kids (ages 6, 8, 9, 12, 14, 15) from a previous marriage which I had no problem with when I met him. Within the 4 years there have been many problems with his kids and his meddling ex wife. They come to stay with us during the holidays which is nice. We do fun things together or just hang out at the house but sometimes can get a bit much. They don't tidy up after themselves. Leaving clothes and rubbish around the house and cause a fuss when asked to clean up. My husband has told me not to ask them to clean them after themselves because they are not here to do housework. I am the one that always cooks and cleans up after them while he sits around doing nothing. The last time they came I asked them all what they wanted to eat twice and I got no respond so I told them there's food in the fridge and to warm it if they want, I asked the 6 year old what she would like. As I went into the kitchen to prepares her food, my husband comes storming at me telling me how horrible I am to tell them to warm up their own food. As I was trying to explain to him that they ignored me he continued to shout at me telling me to leave him alone. Naturally I left him alone and went to check on my 4 month old and stayed in my room for the rest of the day. The next day the oldest children are up cooking eggs for their siblings. They are clearly capable of caring for themselves. There is always a fuss whenever they come over and I've reached my limit. I am exhausted from doing all the housework all the time with no help and now I have a baby to care for also, the pressure is just too much. My husband and I have now not spoken for several days as I refuse to apologise for what happened because I believe I have no reason to. I have stayed out of their way and focused on my baby only. I no longer want to be here when they come as its so exhausting and really affects my marriage. I have not voiced this to my husband yet as I know he will be annoyed by this and not understand. Am I the asshole?
UPDATE; Hi all, thank you all for your feedback. I'd had a chat with my husbands and he says he understands where I'm coming from. He says he'll do more and start giving the kids chores around the house. Took a little while for him to understand bur hopefully things will improve now. We've had a lot of back and forth on this over the 4 years but this is where I draw the line. I know where I stand if things don't change. I give it 6 months.
Side note, he wasn't like this when we first met."
Find the full Reddit thread here
What was the general consensus?
Overall the poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One commenter posted:
"NTA- but I think you can see why he is divorced. Do you really want to be a maid for 6 kids that are there while your husband sits around doing nothing for them? You SHOULD be allowed to ask them to tidy up after themselves and ask if they want food (with a response).
Might be time to start thinking about couples therapy because his attitude is not good."
While another commented:
"NTA. You’re allowed to have rules for your own household which include “pick up after yourself,” but the problem here isn’t the kids- it’s the husband.
Stop asking them what they want to eat, and simply prepare the meals you’re responsible for- they can eat it or not
But you need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about the massive increase in workload his 6 kids create on you- and let him know that either he has to step up and help you enforce some rules, or be responsible for picking up the extra workload. You two have a huge communication problem, and it will destroy your marriage if you don’t get on the same page about what your role in his kids lives is, and how they should be expected to behave in your home."
Our Verdict...
Although the poster was well aware of her husbands six children and is happy for them to stay at the house, we do think she isn't being unreasonable about asking them to pick up after themselves. We really think her husband is the main issue here, not the kids, how can he expect her to absolutely everything while also taking care of a baby?! Maybe if he had of helped out more it wouldn't have gotten to this point.
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