AITA: Baby Name Drama

Having a shared favourite baby name can be awkward when friends and relatives have the same attachment to that name...

How many of them have you been there?! We're sure plenty of you have. One expectant mother has taken to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's in the wrong with using the baby name of her dreams for her upcoming bundle of joy, despite a relative in her husband's family (who isn't pregnant) previously stating that she also likes the same name.

Read the full post below...

"I’m trying to figure out if I’m in the wrong here or not. I am married into a family. Before ever getting married or even meeting my husband I’ve had a baby name that I love picked out. I’m typically quiet and keep it to myself so not a lot of people know I have wanted this name since childhood. Years ago myself and one of my husbands relatives were talking about baby names and she asked me directly about favorite names so I told her and she responded with that being what she wanted to name her child. At that point I didn’t think much of it since we both knew independently that we wanted to name our child that and it wasn’t really even a situation at the time due to neither of us looking at having children in the near future. I figured we both had an attachment to the name and we would just see how it played out knowing that if she had the baby first and named her child that I would figure something else out even though I was really attached to the name. Fast forward almost a decade and she and her husband have not had any children and I am currently having a baby who’s gender matches the name I’ve always wanted. My husband announced the gender and name of the baby to his family and the relative made it about her saying that she wants to name her child that and being upset. The topic was dropped after that and I thought it was the end. Then later she came to me privately and told me how upset she was with our choice of a name because she has always told everyone that she wanted to name her child that and told how hurt she was basically trying to get me to change the name without outright asking me to. Currently she is not pregnant and so we do not even know if she will have a baby who’s gender matches the name. Part of me feels bad about it but the other part of me is really angry that she felt like it was okay to throw a fit over a name for a hypothetical child that we have both loved since before we knew each other. I’m also worried about looking like an asshole even if I’m not simply because she has been so vocal over years about wanting to name her child that but I don’t see saving a name for a baby that may never exist. I would be willing to work with her if we were both pregnant and she just had not found out gender yet or she was having the same gender but just a couple months after me but for a hypothetical baby? I hope that last part doesn’t make me sound bad I just feel frustrated. I understand her disappointment because I would feel disappointed if she had a baby first and used the name but I wouldn’t show people I was upset or confront her about it because I knew it was a name we both wanted."

Find the main thread here on Reddit.

What was the general consensus?

It's pretty safe to say that the poster was voted NTA for her choice of baby name, and her discomfort at being confronted by the aggrieved family member was validated completely by the readers of Reddit. The top rated comment was;

"NTA - The name is yours, you've wanted it, you're going to have the kid first, it's yours. I have a friend who wanted to name his kid after his late Mother, his sister loves the name too and wanted to use the same name to honor their Mom. Brother had a kid first, sister was cool about it, and when she has a kid she found another similar name she liked. Alls well that ends well. Your Husband's family member is entitled as hell and needs to stfu."

Our verdict...

We can appreciate that baby names can have emotional attachments behind them, and if the relative is perhaps struggling to become pregnant (not mentioned but always worthwhile considering), it might feel like salt in the wound. We empathise but really, is it rational for her to try to guilt trip the poster over the use of the name when not only is she not pregnant, but she may never have a child of the gender the name is traditionally used for? It's a bit of an overreach in our eyes, and unfair to be confrontational. We really like that the poster would have been willing to compromise had both of them been pregnant at the same time, that's very reasonable and fair. Sadly, the situation is what it is, and why should the poster pick a different name to the one her heart is set on for her baby?

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