And shiiiiiit, I forgot how bad the heartburn can be; time to invest in stocks in Peptac (Lord knows I’m not paying Gaviscon prices, the way I neck it through the night!)

Secondly, you totally aren’t counting down days to midwife appointments, in fact, you forgot. You totally and utterly forgot until 30 minutes before the appointment, now you’re running round the house trying to find your pee sample pot (which is still no easier to piss in, may I add, but at least now you’re more accustomed to piss on your hands)…

Baby 1 compared to baby 2 during a 4D scan

You get big fast, and it’s still no less annoying than the comments you had first time round… NO, IT’S NOT TWINS. YES, I DO THINK I’LL MAKE IT ANOTHER 6 MONTHS… Except now, that baby bump is visible from conception; wonderful, ain’t no hiding that from your colleagues when your top button won’t do up!

You spend a lot of the time pissing yourself. Sneeze? Piss. Cough? Piss. Laughed too hard? You guessed it… PISS. I’ve never had to change my pants so many times in my damn life!

Your standards lower. I remember first time round, the handful of second hand clothes I had come to me for Oscar, I was extremely grateful for… but in my head, he was only ever gonna wear the brand spanking new, £13-a-baby-grow stuff that I had filled his colour-coded wardrobe with.

THIS TIME… Oh boy, oh boy- there’s not one new thing in the wardrobe! All second hand… bargain 50p pack of 3 baby-grows… I THINK YES.
You know why? Because you, and me, and every other SUBSEQUENT parent is now well aware of poonamis, and we ain’t got no time to be trying to wash out those poo stains. Lord hear me now. They’re going in the bin. Amen.

Then comes guilt. Oh man, I’m looking at my first and only child, thinking: “Shit, I’m about to ruin your life- as well as my sleep!”
I’m spending every extra bit of time I have doing fun and exciting things to combat the fact that in a few short months I’m gonna have to share myself, and I feel so bad about it. It’s rough, real rough.

So that’s my summary of being pregnant with your second: it goes 2000 times faster, you jump from 6 weeks pregnant to 26 weeks pregnant in less than a week, yet you look 30 weeks pregnant from conception. The guilt’s horrific, and you plan to dress your baby in cast-offs and wonder whether you can get away with the old bouncer you’ve had stored in the shed…

Wish me luck ladies, it’s only about to get worse from here on in…

2 months left (not 4, like I’d been telling everyone!)

EDITED BY REBECCA WRIGHT, A SERIOUSLY GOOD MOM WITH ABOUT 25 TODDLERS.

Written by Bethany Dempsey at BD Blogs.