December is officially the craziest month in the parenting calendar. I thought I’d share my plans for the next few weeks to help you keep on top of those key festive milestones… 

DEC 1st
Vainly attempt to stop offspring consuming entire advent calendar in one go.

DEC 2nd
Enforce strict ‘No Elves on Shelves’ policy. Nobody has time for that sh*t.

DEC 3rd
Buy Xmas biscuits and selection boxes. Congratulate self for being so organised.

DEC 4th
Accidentally stress-eat Xmas biscuits and selection boxes.

DEC 5th
Secretly replenish Xmas biscuits and selection boxes.

DEC 6th
Consider cutting own ears off after 5,000th airing of ‘All I Want For Christmas’ on the radio this week.

DEC 7th
Spend magical afternoon decorating Xmas tree with family.

DEC 8th
Spend magical afternoon rearranging Xmas tree whilst family isn’t looking.

DEC 9th
Join Facebook black market of Mums frantically trying to swap/buy/pilfer extra nativity tickets BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!

DEC 10th
Do Nursery Xmas cards: AKA – the pointless exchange of paper between kids who cannot read, write or even pick each other out in a line up…

DEC 11th
Christmas crafting session for the little ones. Spend rest of month covered in glitter, glue and cotton wool, like some kind of festive disco sheep.

DEC 12th
Write letter to Santa together. Suggest replacing ‘real flying reindeer’ and ‘rollercoaster for the garden’ with more realistic choices…

DEC 13th
Attend work Xmas party. Won’t stay long, busy day tomorrow…