The downside of conceiving naturally after IVF.

Ok, so I’ll start with a little bit of background. I had IVF / ICSI 3 x with my ex. The course of a 10 year period was spent trying to have a baby and all were unsuccessful. As well as him having a condition, I had been diagnosed with endometriosis stage 4 – along with an adhesion vaginal septum, found through a routine surgery on my ovaries.

Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with my little boy I had a meeting with the fertility Dr who basically said you and your new partner really should start the process of IVF sooner rather than later, as he politely put it to me that age, was no longer on my side! (Age?! I’m 29 for pete’s sake) turns out in the world of fertility treatment, they treat you like you’re ready for the knackers yard due to your ever continuous ticking body clock!

Due to my history, I didn’t want to rush into IVF again, as I didn’t want to spend the whole of this relationship focusing on something we might not have. I wanted to enjoy my time, do amazing things with my partner and make sure I had no regrets. It’s easy for it to consume your life and I didn’t want that, my life with Ben is amazing and I felt that now was my time to truly enjoy it.

So here it is, I’m pregnant naturally. I can’t actually believe it and I’m over the moon! Even all the healthcare professionals are surprised at this news, I felt like the Virgin Mary. We were truly blessed.

Straight away people were like “oooh it can’t HAVE been you then” and “I told you if you just relaxed it would happen.”

Now, whilst I do semi agree with this, as I was super happy in life and super relaxed, it probably did play a part in helping me conceive but the some what “politeness” that people give when they know you’re having difficulty goes straight out the window and they completely disregard the fact that you previously struggled and had IVF.

I have a condition that is well known for affecting fertility. I went through countless tests, negative results and invasive procedures. IVF isn’t easy. Especially if It doesn’t work. Totally worth it in the grand scheme of things – but can take its toll greatly on your mental health and well-being as a couple.

I had wanted a baby for so long and I was finally having one with the person who I was meant to be with, this life inside me was so precious.

My pregnancy wasn’t the easiest and in the back of my mind I was so worried that something would happen. Due to all my negative experiences before, each time something came up in my pregnancy I would think the worst. You enjoy your pregnancy and are so grateful that you are experiencing it, but deep down you don’t quite believe this is your time.

Don’t get me wrong, I was very excited and enjoyed every part of my beautiful pregnancy, this was just a thought buried deep in my subconscious, hidden but very much still there. The fact that people very vocally disregarded my history made me think that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was. It made me feel like I should just forget everything that happened, that I could no longer say I struggled with fertility. I no longer had the right to hold the badge for enduring the process and overcoming infertility, as it had happened naturally.

Now I don’t want this to come across the wrong way, I’m so grateful that I have managed to conceive naturally, I finally got my beautiful baby and wouldn’t change how it happened for the world. I just wanted to say my piece – just because something happens a certain way doesn’t mean that history is no longer an effecting factor.

I believe everything happens for a reason which is why my life has turned out how it has and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

So, if ever you are around a person that has conceived naturally after fertility struggles , just be happy for them. Don’t go on to express your feelings about how they couldn’t possibly have needed that treatment or how they no longer should feel the pang of wanting something you can’t have. It‘s very much etched in their memory, just be kind and say congratulations, that’s all that is needed.

Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs to the people going through a tough time, whether it be early days or years down the line and to everyone currently pregnant be it easily or with a struggle, congratulations ! Each one is a miracle in their own right.

S xx

Written by Sarah Fitzpatrick for her blog.

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