Team DILF: You're a Parent When...

You’re a parent when…

1- Alarm clocks are a thing of the past. Nothing gets you out of bed quicker than “daddy, I need go pee!”

2- Your morning ritual involves wiping Sudocream down an arse crack and it’s not even your own. 

3- The last film you sat through was at least 3 years ago and any attempt since has been met with “Start a film?! Now?! It’s after 9 you absolute double mad [email protected]!”

4- Boiling the kettle doesn’t actually equate to a hot cuppa. After a while you just start making tea with the cold tap, before spitting it out and pouring the rest down the sink.

5- The weather app has you by the balls. If it’s sunny you get to do cool, free, fun stuff. If it’s raining, you’re held hostage by toddlers doing all the sh!te they wanna do.

6- That whole “daddy, I need go pee!” can often be a load of balls. Your child knows how effective such phrases can be to get you off your lazy arse in seconds and will use such tactics to their advantage!

Written by Neil McTeggart for his Facebook blog, Team DILF!