So Charlie has decided today to attempt a world record at throwing as many tantrums as he can. He did pretty well.

My personal favourite was the meltdown he had in Next because I wouldn’t let him crawl between the clothes aisles like a savage dog. He wanted a cookie for lunch, so when I said no the tantrum measured around a number 8 on the Richter scale. I got home and Jorgie had thrown up all over the car. I got her in the house and changed her, only for her to be sick all over me 10 minutes later.

I tried to hold her over the sink but she clung to me like a monkey, face on, so it ended up matted in my hair and all over my jumper. Meanwhile Charlie threw another tantrum because he wanted a picnic in the garden for tea and demanded to know why “I hadn’t made any sandwiches yet”. I couldn’t put Jorgie down so went back out to the car and got her pram out of the boot with one hand while holding her with the other. I brought it in and strapped her in the pram.

Then Charlie shouted me from the toilet where he had attempted to have a poo. He hadn’t quite made it in time so there was poo smeared all over the toilet seat and in his pants.

I was cleaning it up when out of the corner of my eye I saw Jorgie houdini and wriggle out of the pram straps and so I made a run of epic proportions and caught her just as she was about to hit the floor. Charlie asked me what was for tea. That’s anyone’s guess.

Kyle came home so we gave Jorgie a bottle and went to run a bath for Charlie. Kyle put Jorgie down on the carpet and at the precise moment she decided to crawl off, Charlie picked up his wooden chair and swung it round smacking her square in the forehead. Winner.

I can cheerfully say Jorgie has not had a good day. Neither has Mummy. I’m still in the sick jumper and my hair has a delicious vomit aroma. I’ve had no tea and I still need to unpack the car. I have work tomorrow too.

So how was everyone else’s Monday?

Written by Nicola Higginson for her blog, 30 Plus and Still Clueless. You can follow her on Facebook here!