So, basically, in the grand scheme of things… I’m totally skint.

Like most of you, I overspend on things, and the problem could totally be solved by holding back a bit, and not being a lazy cow… But where’s the fun in that?

Where’s the fun in not having those ‘danger’ messages from Halifax regarding the use of your overdraft? I mean… These are the thrillseeking moments of my life- wondering whether my card will or won’t decline for my and the toddler’s Maccies meals…

So, whilst realising that I should probably cut back… I also decided to work on some money making schemes.

Here are a few ideas I came across…

The obvious: THE LOTTERY. OK, so I totally believed I’d win straight away, and now want to cancel my direct debit in pure spite than I didn’t win a penny… Not even a quid… Not even a free fucking go. The cheek of it. What a waste of 2 pounds… I could have NEARLY had two Gregg’s pasties for that. Rip off.

Second thing I decided to look into was selling my pants to weird men; here’s my issue… Seems there’s not much of a niche for “pregnant mamas who piss their panties when they sneeze”, or “pants older than my children”… and you can absolutely FORGET it if you think I’m about to stick on a thong for a full fucking day and cut myself in half… Absolutely fucking not. You can keep your 30 squid, how about that?!

So, last but not least is selling crafts; you know, HOMEMADE boutique things. Something really personal.

Would you believe that nobody really wants to buy a paper maché Fabergé egg that me and the toddler made at playgroup?? Even tried Etsy. Pfft. They don’t know what they’re missing; used extra glitter and the £1.99 PVA… Not even the cheap 79p one.

So, basically, here it is… to earn extra mommy money to make up for all that cash that you definitely shouldn’t have spent in the Next sale… And the takeaway for that evening because you were too tired too cook (or is that just me?)…
Then… You have to actually like… Work?! So, yeah… Fuck that.

If you can think of anything better (but I can’t be a stripper… apparently 20 weeks pregnant, with a hairy belly, is not stripper material) …then call me!

P.s just spent my last tenner on a Chinese. Balls.

Written by Bethany Dempsey at BD Blogs.