How not to kill your partner

Being a parent is hard, I’ve whinged about this in several posts – I think you get the idea now. But it’s also an amazing journey we are so lucky to be on together.

We laugh everyday with Jasmine and are incredibly grateful for The happiness she brings.

For those like me who aren’t doing it alone, you and your partner are bound to have different views on things…or in my case fantasise about suffocating him with a pillow while he sleeps blissfully and I’m up for the 45th time that night.

Here’s some tips on how to keep liking each other, not argue or kill one another.

1. There’s no best parent competition.

You will both be tired (although I’m more tired) – see can’t help myself. In situations where Dad is at work he will be exhausted and assume as you haven’t been at work you’re not as exhausted. If mums been at home all day with the child – she’s exhausted. Stop worrying about who is more exhausted and realise you both are working hard, doing your very best.

2. Stop any blame games

Children will have accidents, bump their heads, fall or even feel poorly. It’s not high school – avoid any temptation to blame each other. Remember you’re a team on this parenting journey.

3. Look after each other.

If you want a nap rotate looking after the little one and nap, shower, bath even just to take 5 minutes to breathe! Put the effort in for each other as equals.

4. Accept that your priorities will change

You can’t take offence if you aren’t getting the same amount of attention you got pre baby. You’re going to both be exhausted looking after baby who needs all of your energy – it won’t be forever. When you can make the effort – then do!

5. Understand that dads are often forgotten

They have also had a huge life change. Often family, friends or medical staff are so busy fussing and worrying about mum they forget to check in on Dad. Take the time to ask how he’s feeling. When he takes the baby out try not to get annoyed when they don’t do things the same way as you, encourage them. 1 in 3 men suffer from post natal depression, it’s a surprising statistic we all need to be more aware of.

6. Laugh.

Don’t loose your sense of humour laugh together, watch tv, talk about something other than the baby (although baby will tend to creep in, especially during time away from the baby).

7. Make plans to look forward to.

Even things as simple as a day at the beach, having a bbq, visiting people, planning adventures and trips as a family, travelling to cities you’ve always wanted to visit. Now you have one more on board, enjoy sharing your favourite places with them.

8. Accept you won’t always look your best.

It’s ok, your partner will understand, once someone has seen you in labour it can’t get much more undignified than that. Be kind to each other. Notice if they do make the effort.

9. Watch your words.

Don’t snap and say hurtful things when you’re tired, tiredness is awful and it’s so important to walk away and not say mean things – you can’t take them back once they’re out.

10. If someone offers help, take it!

This one needs no explanation. Be easy on yourself, if you and your partner can escape for a dinner or to the cinema – do it, and enjoy.

Being parents is tough even though we really like each other! I can’t imagine how it would be if we didn’t get on so well together, a baby will never solve cracks within a relationship it will make those cracks bigger until they break.

Do you agree with these? I’d love to hear your tips for keeping sane as parents.

Written by Marie Blake for her blog, Tummy2Mummy.

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