Five things I could do without, frankly

Maybe it’s because we’re almost at the end of the school holidays and I can’t decide if I’m more upset by how many pounds I’ve put on or by how many pounds I’ve spent since the middle of July. Or maybe it’s because having both children at home means I have no time to tidy or do housework, to the extent that last week I lost my pyjamas in my own house.

I repeat, I LOST MY PYJAMAS IN MY OWN HOUSE.

Whatever it is, in the last few days I’ve found myself more easily wound up by seemingly minor things. Is it simply school holiday-related? Is it because I’m getting less tolerant as I get older? Or is it just because I’m not getting enough sleep?

I don’t know. But anyway, for whatever reason my patience is in short supply this week, and the following five things have been getting on my nerves. In no particular order, and apologising in advance for the randomness……

1. People who wish their child ‘Happy Birthday’ on Facebook. WHEN THEY ARE 2.

Is there anything more pointless? Firstly, unless you are a Supermum or raising a child prodigy, it’s highly unlikely that your 2 year old can read yet (because they are two). And secondly, even if they could read, I seriously doubt they’d have their own Facebook account (because they are two). And lastly, how about just wishing them happy birthday to their face (because they are two)?

2. Cake smashes

Never will I understand this phenomenon.

Firstly, if you’ve read my views on messy play, you’ll know that I am not an advocate of creating unnecessary mess.

Secondly, a cake is a thing for appreciating and eating. It should be respected as such. If either of my children had smashed the cakes I made for them for their first birthdays, I would not be in any fit state to take their photos. No, I would be in a corner, rocking, crying, and more than a little bit cross.

What happened to just blowing out candles?

3. People who plan Christmas in July

No, no, no, no, no! As if finding things to do to fill the summer holidays isn’t stressful enough, some people want to start planning activities for their weekends in December at the same time! Do I want to book afternoon tea with Santa for 14th December? No, frankly, I do not . And that is because we are in the middle of the school summer holidays and I am frazzled to the point that I can’t even decide what to make for dinner tomorrow, never mind decide whether I will want to eat extortionately priced egg and cress sandwiches with an unconvincing Santa Claus in three months time.

And, slightly out of season, but while we’re on the subject….

4. Christmas Eve boxes

Oh, give me a break. Who thought this one up?

As if one day for receiving presents isn’t enough, let’s surprise our little darlings a day early with a pair of Christmas pyjamas they’ll wear once, a sachet of hot chocolate and a few sugary sweets, just in case they’re not already as high as kites on the most exciting night of the year, and how about we throw in a couple of dvds so they can stay up late and watch them til 11pm, while riding out their sugar high. Because as we know, all parents love peeling their children off the ceiling and trying to get them to sleep on Christmas Eve. No, there’s nothing quite like the thrill of being left with only 5 hours to frantically finish wrapping presents and put them out ready for the big day, before trying to shoehorn in a couple of hours of sleep in advance of the inevitable shrill 4am cry of ‘Santa’s been!’.

If anyone ever catches me putting together a Christmas Eve box for one of my children, please feel free to poke me in the eyes with candy canes until I see sense.

5. Geordie people who start talking posh

And by Geordie people who talk posh, I mean Robson Green. And Donna Air. Fair enough, accents can change slightly when you move out of an area but not to that extent. If Ant and Dec can manage to hold onto their accents, so can you, Sting.

Phew! Feels good to get that off my chest. What’s bothering you at the minute? Let me know in the comments, and feel free to be as random as you like!