Hi, My names Emily and this is my first ever blog so bear with! It’s taken a lot of courage to even think about writing this let alone sharing it with everyone, so please be kind. This blog is to raise awareness for PTSD after birth.

When I got diagnosed I thought what? PTSD? Isn’t that just something soldiers get? I had no idea!

What I have found worrying is there isn’t a great deal of information on traumatic births causing it and that a lot of women get miss diagnosed with post natal depression. Now I am not a therapist and only have my experience so if any of this reconciles with you please phone health in mind. I’ve choose not to share my story, as it isn’t about comparing.

The thing I’ve learnt with PTSD, 100 people could experience the same traumatic event but only 20 people could suffer with it. So even if yours doesn’t sound as traumatic as someone else’s it doesn’t matter. It’s how our brain manages to process whats happened.

So whats it like living with PTSD? Well it’s pretty pants!

But it does get better. I’m not going to go into complete detail of personal triggers ect but for me I had flash backs – God these make you feel like you’re going mad. They take you right back to certain moments of the birth. You dread them happening but actually it’s your brain just trying to process what happened!

Nightmares – Christ, your brain is mean!

Anxiety – This and the nightmares make it nearly impossible to sleep! Although I found kalms helped a little.

Socialising – When you have a young baby what’s the thing everyone wants to talk about, the birth! Even someone talking about a birth months after would cause triggers and me to struggle for a few days. I found it hard to look forward to milestones as it was just another month I wasn’t better. Unable to look at the photos of when she was born.

Mum guilt – its horrible. I felt bad I could talk about my 1st birth with such joy and my 2nd all I felt was worry and sadness. We all want to be the best mums possible and when you’re fighting mental health it’s hard. But be kind to yourself! Even after a normal birth, give yourself a break, you’ve just grown and birthed a human whether it be natural or c-section. That’s amazing! People would say stuff like well at least she’s here now. Which yes I get and trust me I  am grateful for her every day but it doesn’t take away the PTSD, unfortunately I don’t control it and my birth was the scariest moment of my life. It could have been so much worse but it doesn’t make things right. I am lucky it hasn’t affected my bond with her, other than I’ve been more protective and not as calm as I normally would have been. This was my second birth so I kinda knew something was wrong with me. But if it was my first birth I would have most probably thought is was normal. I was very lucky to have a good HV who picked up on my PTSD very early on. Although I am not 100% there, the flashbacks and nightmares are a lot less often and my anxiety has calmed a little. I am getting the help I need and if I think about where I was a few months ago I’ve come along way.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. July is going to be a hard month, especially my daughters 1st birthday. So that’s why I’m sharing this blog, basically to say we made it!

And I want to look forward to her birthday, I am worried how I am going to cope so if I am able to share this hopefully I can kick PTSDs arse on the day and enjoy it! Please check up on people after their births, like really check up on them. Speak to someone, anyone! Don’t suffer, it wont go away on its own. And it doesn’t make you less of a good parent, which is how I used to feel when in fact admitting there’s something wrong and then doing something about makes you a better parent because it makes you a better you!

I hope I haven’t bored you all too much! Please share! Lets get PTSD after birth spoken about, known about! Thank you – Emily xx

Link for health in mind (it’s worth the wait for therapy) can be found here.

A special thank you to my darling husband, he has been my rock and I would still be in a very dark place if it wasn’t for him! 

My sister/bestfriend who was also there at the birth so really gets it! 

2 of my dear friends Megan and Liz, always asking how I was doing and just knowing they were there if I needed them!

Written by Emily Walker for her blog.

Follow her on Instagram here.