Cheapo Toddler Christmas List

I’m not sure which of Santa’s lists Harry is on right now. If he continues to wake at 5am then all he’s getting is a piece of coal. It does raise the question though: what do you get for a two-year old that will neither remember the day or has the skill-set to write a list for Father Christmas? My husband is of the mindset of ‘do you remember what you got when you were two – no, save the cash!” Hold your horses there Scrooge – I’ll be capturing every darned moment of our joyous, family Christmas together so do you want your first and only born to see he was deprived of gifts under the tree?

So what does Mummy buy for the boy who has everything?

He has every conceivable train-related toy and to be fair, they do keep him thoroughly entertained. How much more plastic, noisy, flashy tat can we actually fit in our IKEA Kallax without the boxes exploding though? It got me thinking about what Harry would actually put on his list if he were able to write it. What are the things that captivate and entertain him on a daily basis. I’ve decided to put together my own list for him:

Dear Father Christmas – or can I call you Nick?

I am Harry. I am two years and four months old. I am a very good boy. I have helped my Mum tidy up at least three times now (the rest of the 5827 times, I’ve got distracted and started playing with the toys I’m supposed to be putting away but every little counts – it’s all in the little wins Mummy says). I have slept through the night for the last two weeks but because I love my mummy so much I like to get her up for cuddles at 5am to maximise the time I spend with her. It’s nice to feel wanted right? Also, I have eaten my vegetables. Admittedly they were snuck in to pasta sauce and covered in a mountain of cheese but it counts.

So, Nick – here’s what I’m loving right now. Could you please see to it that they find their way under the tree?

Ear plugs. My mummy uses these at nighttime when I inevitably end up in bed with her and Daddy. She can’t cope with the fact sleeping with the two of us is like sleeping with Darth Vader and his mini twin. However, when she grapples for them on the bedside table at 5:05am, they are never to be found. This is because I love nothing more when she’s drying her hair in the morning, than to play with them. They feel all squishy and a little waxy but they’re great to ram in the drawers under the bed. Wouldn’t it be great to have a set of my own rather than her used ones? Pretty please Santa!

Tweezers. As you can see, Mummy likes to think she’s the Bobbi Brown counter in John Lewis. Every day I have twenty minutes of Paw Patrol as she attempts to resemble someone at least five years younger. She says I’ve aged her. To be fair Father Nick, at 5am I’d agree. In her cornucopia of make-up, she keeps these shiny, tweaky delights. When I’m not nicking her brushes, I like to pull out the tweezers and tweeze the cats, the sofa or anything that looks like it needs a good tweezing. I then like to hide them so Mummy begins to resemble the Grinch with a bushy monobrow. Such fun! Please can you pop a set in my stocking?

Clips and zips. I’m not fussy Father Christmas. Give me any zips or clips and that’s me in heaven. From the safety harness on the IKEA Antilop (the staple high chair option for the masses – easy to clean and cheap as chips) that you will regularly find me perched underneath to the zip on my Thomas the Tank Engine rucksack – I like nothing more than to do up and attempt to undo. Mummy gets a little frustrated now I can unzip as it gives me easy access to snacks in my bag at inappropriate times of the day. She thinks she’s got it sussed by leaving my bag in the porch but just you wait till I’m tall enough to open that door mother…

Cufflinks. This is a picture of Daddy’s shirt. I don’t want a shirt. No! You may notice that the sleeves are devoid of cufflinks. That’s because I have hidden them all. Mummy got all excited this morning. Daddy has been hunting for them for the last two weeks. I tried to ram a train behind the radiator in the office and as mummy shone her phone light behind there, she discovered the Mulberry cufflinks she’d gifted Daddy for Christmas in the times when she still earned a wage (he gets coal now). Mine don’t need to be super fancy – I’d settle for a pair from Debenhams. Just as long as they are shiny and good for hiding.

Cheers Santa. Lots of love. Harry xxx

Not a battery needed or a noisy, flashy thing in sight. I’m sure this Christmas will deliver great pleasure to the heart of my little man with this simple selection. I’m off to Boots – 3 for 2 on earplugs. That’s the next few years sorted!

Do you go all out on presents for your toddler or do you leave it to the relatives to do the spoiling? Any tips on Christmas gif ideas fully appreciated.