Dear ‘Little Miss Footloose and Fancy-free’
Look at you in your pristine house- a nest for two but squeeze for three
With your jumperoo-less living room, minimal and serene
and photos of you and him in the exotic places that you’ve been
A bulging social diary that boasts dinners, drinks and brunch
Your weekends stuffed full of boozy shopping trips and lunch
Quiet nights in with a bottle of wine watching new releases
Long relaxing baths without the panic of floating faeces
Planning an outfit for a night out three months in advance
Wearing tops that show your midriff every time you get the chance
Having to set an alarm for an early morning outing
Wearing skinny jeans without 8 hours of self-doubting
Popping to a shop with just your purse at the drop of a hat
getting shopping delivered cos you’re lazy and not to have a chat
Banging doors, slamming drawers, turning lights on late at night
Staying out, sleeping in, getting drunk and talking shite
Shaving your legs, exfoliating, catching up on sleep
Straightening your hair, moisturising, watching a box set in a week.
Going abroad, sun bathing, swanning around in a two-seater car
Wearing uncomfortable panties and worrying if they match your bra
Going in a shop cos you like it and not caring if it has a lift
Getting home from a night out before 1am and feeling slightly miffed.
Sitting on your sofa and reading a magazine or a book
Nipping out for a bargain bucket cos you can’t be arsed to cook
Now believe me when I tell you that in nine months none of it will matter
I’ve seen into the future and I’m afraid to say you’re fatter
But to be honest your looks will probably be farthest from your mind
Once you’ve adjusted to the sleepless nights and the exhausting daily grind
Holidays and socialising are the first things on the block
A good day is getting dressed before it’s 3 ‘o’ clock
Staying in is the new going out and ‘slipper chic’ is trending
Joggers are the new bodycon and stretch marks are never ending
In dry shampoo and maternity tights we the great unwashed do solemnly trust
Our legs will remain unshaven while our GHDs gather dust
Sleep when they sleep you’ll get told, and it’s difficult not to laugh
If it was that simple it wouldn’t have been a year since you had a bath
Embrace your new curves they’ll say cos size 8 is a thing of the past
You’ll still be eating the same amount just really really fast
Jokes with your husband will turn into arguments about cleaning
Your Facebook newsfeed will be over run with tips on baby led weaning
Will you stay in touch with the Colonel? Only time will tell
But the women at baby sensory class swear by Annabel Karmel
…Or so you have been told, you haven’t bothered to go to one yourself
Attempting to leave the house before 10:30 isn’t good for a new mum’s health
Especially for a class where it’s baby talk or nothing
If you’re going to go out early then it should at least be for a McMuffin
Dear Miss ‘Always Frazzled and Prematurely aged’
Please consider these few pointers before you have your tiny human caged
After their arrival your heart will feel full, no matter where you are
Their laughter will bring you greater joy than Nutella straight out the jar
There will be days you feel like shit and lower than the bottom of the pile
Some days it’s them that put you there but they’ll still make you smile
To stare into their eyes is to see your old world in a fresh hue
A world with cuddles for currency, a world where fairytales come true.
Their imagination’s a tree in spring, their innocence its fruit
Their tiny feet and grabby hands well they’re just really cute
You need them as much they need you, albeit in different ways
A look they give you after a sleepless night will keep you going for days
It’s fine to have an off day when your batteries are low
Tears and laughter, smiles and screaming are all part of the show
They’re relying on you for everything and that feels kind of nice
who cares that being there 24/7 comes at such a price
No-one will look at you like they do, or make you feel so warm
and that feeling of completeness hits you the day that they are born
All they really want are heart shaped kisses, they don’t need the earth
but that wont stop you trying to buy it for them just to prove your worth
Life’s too short short to sweat the small stuff, enjoy them while they’re young
There really is no greater job than being a tiny-human’s mum
Yours sincerely
MM
Written by Madame Maigrir for her blog!
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