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Single parents, let me tell you, you have me awestruck.
Parenting is incredibly rewarding, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also tumultuous, exhausting, frustrating and a constant learning process. It is difficult enough to navigate all that parenting throws at me and Toby as a couple and sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out, so I cannot fathom how it must be as a single parent.
Single parents who get support off their ex obviously still have a tough time of it – the logistics must be a nightmare, and they’re not there to take it in turns to get up in the night with a poorly child amongst the other things that benefit from a tag team. Single parents who get NO assistance or support from the other parent of their child, just wow. I simply do not know how you do it!
I know the whole ‘is parenting a job or not’ debate has been festering for years now, and we all have different opinions on this, but parenting is a 24/7 task – it is unrelenting and benefits from the maximum support possible. So, for an individual to be able to do it single-handedly and flourish, it must be painstaking, and I don’t envy you for a second, but my lord, I do admire you so much (whether you’re assisted by the other parent or not).
It’s a sad fact of life that relationships fail & families fracture through no fault of anyone (and sometimes through glaring faults like cheating…), and sometimes the ex partner will walk away as they’re too… selfish? Weary? Unmotivated…? to continue to foster a relationship and rebuild your family unit in a new way that doesn’t cause arguments & heartbreak, but it seems to be too much effort for some. It’s easier to walk away, leaving you in the dust with a demanding child who often weeps for their other parent and you’re too paralysed by your own heartbreak, trying to process what has happened, let alone sit a child down and try to explain to them that mummy and daddy don’t live together any more, that daddy/mummy has gone on holiday for a long time, but don’t worry, they’ll be back… when it suits them. But you make it work.
I hate the residual stigma surrounding single parent families – it is 2022, not 1922.
As I said above, relationships aren’t always infallible, we cannot predict the outcome of a relationship, and even a ring on the finger isn’t a guarantee of an everlasting nuclear family with a white picket fence.
There is still, sadly, an attitude still perpetuated by a small sector of society whom judge single parents as ‘in it for the money’ (aka the pittance in tax credits or universal credit), who slam mums who have babies by more than one father, who roll their eyes and make grim future predictions about their contribution to the next generation. It’s bullshit.
I see it daily; family members who’ve been left in the dust, friends whose ex scarpered when the pregnancy test turned out positive, ladies AND men in our private Facebook group posting that they’ve been left high & dry with a broken heart and screaming babies in tow, or had to leave a relationship as they no longer have a choice. They graft to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, something that is a challenge enough with 2 parents in the house.
Not that you need my admiration, you total badass Queens & Kings, but seriously, you’re awesome and should be extremely proud of yourself. Single parents will always have my support!
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