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This is for the baby daddy who will be with you whilst in labour.
Hey Daddy-O,
The run up to labour isn’t that bad, It’s actually quite a breeze. But when she is fully established then you need to try remember to take a breather and to think how much pain she is in. It starts off okay, then gradually get really unbearable.
Maybe she doesn’t want a drink. Yes she is aware how loud and embarrassing she sounds. She is probably worried how long this will take and that why she looks stressed. Hmm… Maybe now she wants a drink.. She is going to be everywhere. Physically and mentally, everywhere.
If she has been induced prior then she isn’t going to feel much better. She is going to be achey from all the fiddling up there, she is going to be frustrated and want the damn thing out now. But most of all, she is going to be really tired. So read her body language.
You are in charge of making sure she is as relaxed as she can be, hydrated and fed (maccies will do) but most of all, you’re in charge of making a uncomfortable situation – funny. You need to make her push out this baby with every laugh she takes. And if you’re not a funny person then just read jokes off Google or join here and ask us to give you a helping hand.
‘Does she want a back rub?’ ‘Should I say something?’ ‘Should I leave her be?’ ‘Maybe she wants a drink?’.
She is probably wanting you to say something to help calm her down. A tiny baby human is making it’s way into the world. So she isn’t going to feel 100%. But because she feels like this, she may snap at you.
Just shrug it off, don’t react.
If you react, may God bless your soul. Because she will turn. OH, will she turn. You don’t know anger like a labouring woman.
If you panic, get upset or angry. That emotion will reflect onto her and she will mirror it. So however you’re feeling during this magical time then try and put on a straight face whilst your entire body screams at her. Or do what my husband did… Go outside and scream, maybe whinge to a passing midwife.
You are going to be very tired. A forewarning, do not mention that to her. Buddy, I just wouldn’t.
Nine months of pregnancy – labour – painful contractions vs your tired – just tired.
While these contractions are happening, they’re either thick or fast… Or may not even be happening as often as she wants. She may be starting to panic and getting herself into a state with worry.
Ask her what she wants? ‘Does she want you to ask a midwife to check her dilation?’ ‘Does she want more drugs?’ ‘Does she want you to ask about anything she can have to help increase her contractions?’ Ask.
When it comes to pushing, a lot of people will come in (around 3 to 6). You’ll have her whole midwife team and they’ll all be ready to look at her birthing area. So it’s going to get reasonably cramped and hot. Take a breath because at this point it is time to deliver the baby, so know in minutes or hours you will have your son or daughter here.
A natural birth isn’t on the cards for some women. You need to ready yourself for the possibility that she may have a c-section. If this was to happen she’ll be thinking all sort of horrible things about herself, just remind her this isn’t her fault. She has done a bloody good job up until now so try and try relax her whilst the delivery team take over. Hold her hand, smile and give her lots of kisses. She is still a super-mum regardless of how that baby comes out.
If you want to look at the baby crowning, don’t do it unless she says ‘do you want to see?’. Because she may feel unattractive and think ‘I’ll never have a sex life if he looked’ after seeing your daughter being born, so be safe and wait for her to ask. Or if you know she is being daft and you do want to see then do a sneak peak whilst she is contracting and moaning! BE QUICK.
When you check, don’t mention anything gory. Don’t mention her baby is ugly or that there is something wrong with it’s head because it is cone shaped for the first day otherwise it wouldn’t of came out. And for the love of all that is mighty, DON’T TELL HER SHE HAS POOPED!! If she has then don’t even gag, don’t even joke about it during or after she has given birth. Otherwise I’ll smack you myself with your baby’s full nappy.
If she wants the gas and air or drugs in general THEN GET IT. Hold her gas and air whilst she hunches over like she is reenacting ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’. The poor woman will want pain relief the whole way through whilst she pants like a dog to cope.
Remember with all the people there even although she may not even be looking at you. She is feeding off your emotions, sensing the mood of the room and not just you. But the midwives too. If you start freaking out then you’ve blown this out of the water. STAY CALM FOR HER. Breathe next to her so she can hear and imitate. Tell her she is doing a bloody fantastic job and she is so close to meeting her baby that she has always dreamt of. Tell her that you love her so much, you couldn’t be any prouder of this woman and she just needs to push one more big push.
If you really want that baby born in the next few minutes then just whisper ‘lets get married’. That will get the pushing going if you’re not already married.
Coming to the end it gets harder and more painful. Maybe her epidural has worn off, she is exhausted and wants to hibernate for the rest of her life. Grab her a cold flannel, one on her forehead and one on the back of her neck. You don’t half work up a sweat doing this and you feel like you need coffee to see it to the end. Maybe offer some ice to suck on.
She is going to be upset, frustrated and very very tired. My labour was 2 days and at the end I just couldn’t anymore. Motivate her and remind her she is doing amazing.
When the head is out, you’re almost there. Almost time to meet the boxer who has beating the hell out of her. Make her believe this is almost it, she will all of a sudden find a burst of energy to get it over and done with.
Once the shoulders are out then you need to MAKE IT KNOWN. Time to celebrate the end!! The end of 9 long months of her moaning about clothes, the hobbit feet, trying to get comfortable and pushing you out of bed. When then shoulders pass baby will fall out and after a quick rub down, baby is then passed to Mama for skin to skin.
Take a picture of them both straight away, she may not look sassy but take one. It will be a nice memory in future. I regret not taking any pictures or videos in labour, you may want to ask her about this and if it is something she is interested in you doing.
And then finally just give her a big hug and a kiss. Congratulate yourself, you will of done a hell of a good job. Labour is hard on a man but much harder on a woman, nobody tells you about the emotional side of it so it can sometimes hit you like a brick to the face.
But for now enjoy your beautiful pregnant partner and when the time comes, enjoy falling madly in love with your new baby.
Hope you’ve enjoyed the read and good luck!
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