The Guilt of Only Wanting One Child Is An Only Child Really a Lonely Child?

Written by Sasha Alicia French for her blog Me and Mae.

You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

If you have read my blog before you will know the trouble Jake and myself went through to have Mae, being told we might not be able to conceive then to having a cyst at 16 weeks that threatened the life of our unborn child.

My pregnancy wasn’t as smooth as any expecting mum hopes for, after they found my cyst we had a hospital visit every 3-4 weeks. I guess I shouldn’t complain as every month I got to see our beautiful girl grow and know that every month we have hope she will arrive safe and sound. Maybe this is the biggest reason having another child is off the cards for me, the thought of loosing a child in unbearable so if I knew I could be at risk again then why would I put myself in that position?

I have one sibling, my twin sister. We grew up very close, we had each other to play with and probably a little more freedom then our other friends. Don’t get me wrong we wasn’t roaming the streets all night long, mum had us locked up in bed at 7pm but as we got older we had each other so we could venture a little further round our town. Jake (Maes daddy) has a few more siblings then me, he is only 17 months older than his brother Joe. Jake and Joe are extremely close probably closer to each other than us twins. Jake also has two younger sisters and three younger brothers, when I watch him around his siblings that’s when the guilt kicks in. I watch them laugh and tease, the mayhem that swallows the household and it’s fun, so fun! The bond they have is overwhelming, the sibling love is like no other.

So am I wrong for wanting only one child? Will I change my mind in a few years? Will Mae will lonely? These are the questions that take over my brain during these moments. Then I remember she will have friends. Friends from school, friends she’s grown up with so no she won’t be lonely. I can rationalise my thoughts but it doesn’t stop my guilty feelings. I have spoken to a lot of my friends who have two children close in age. One who’s children are 6 years apart and she says the same thing- having two children is hard work. I see so many of them struggle, their family life strained and I think to myself I don’t want that! I want to enjoy the girl I have, why would I want to go through all the sleepless nights again? The colic, the teething. Juggling nursery, work and a newborn! Maybe it’s a selfish thing but does that mean I’m a bad person?

I know Mae will have friends to play with after school, she has her aunt who is only three months older. She has my friends children to grow up with, children that will live on her street. She has cousins and young uncles, so no! That’s my answer to the question- is an only child a lonely child. It’s no, Mae won’t be lonely. I shouldn’t feel bad for wanting just one child, and people shouldn’t assume because of my decision that my daughter will be lonely.

Next time you ask a mum when she plans on having another just think for a second, maybe she doesn’t want another. Some people like me are happy to be honest but I’m sure some mums might struggle. It doesn’t matter if you have one child of 6 children, parenthood is bloody hard! It’s not for the fainthearted. It’s stressful and lonely, but it’s also the best job in the world.