For Parents of Children With Special Needs: What Other Parents Do Not Know

Written by Elena Torres for her blog, Elena Thinks Life.

You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram & Pinterest!

Parenting is hard. Let me just start with that. We can read all the books available to us and listen to countless advice, but the unpredictable nature of parenting and children can take us on crazy adventures that often do not come with directions or coping strategies.

We recently found out that our three year old has a moderate to severe sensorineural hearing loss. She has a 50-55% irreversible hearing loss in both ears. This hearing loss has been the cause of her delayed speech and communication. We finally got the answer we have been looking for. The diagnosis was hard and we were filled with so many questions and of course so many emotions. This diagnosis has launched us in a very fast course that we were not prepared for. In a matter of days she was evaluated four times, tested by the school district twice, had an IEP meeting, and enrolled for special education which she will start in just a few days. She will now be on the waiting list for hearing aids and she will be taught sign language and listening skills. If this sounds overwhelming…it is. Parenting is unpredictable.

As parents we want our children to be healthy. We learn everything about them and we arm ourselves with tools that will help us guide them. We know when they are ill, when they are hungry, when they are upset… but what if you miss important warning signs about their development; do you blame yourself? Parents of children with special needs will often have questions that do not have direct answers, and all they cause is extra stress. Questions like:

How did I miss the signs?
Why did I not get them tested sooner?
Could I have prevented this?
How will other people treat my child?
How will we deal with the labels that come with having children with special needs?
What will their future be like?
Am I doing the right thing?
Will they ever succeed?
Are they ready for school?
How will they cope with changes? How will we cope?

The truth is that these questions keep me up at night. How did I not notice that my daughter had trouble hearing sooner? Well, because as parents we do not get taught these things. There is not parenting course offered right after delivery. We count on our paediatricians and medical professionals to tell us that our child is healthy or if they need medical attention. We trust that paediatricians are thorough, but sadly that is not the case for most parents. Many paediatricians are trained to treat illness. They are not always taught to look further unless parents express concern. Developmental delays of course are not their fault either, but we definitely need more education and awareness. We are our child’s advocates.

I really wanted to write this short post for many reasons. Like I said, I’ve had many restless nights since her diagnosis wondering so many things and often feeling a little defeated and guilty. Did I let my daughter down? These questions in reality are just not worth my worry anymore because we are moving forward. They are not worth any of our worries. Our children will be fine because they resilient, and they have supportive parents that will fight hard for them. I know children in the special education system are often labeled, but we as parents need to continue to let them know that the only label we have for them is that of our child. Having “special needs” vary, and no two children are the same or need the same kind of attention.

So if you are a parent of a child with special needs or in the special education system know this…

You are already doing a great job.
You will have hard days, but remember you are not ignoring their needs and you are being proactive and that is more than enough.
Your child is so special. Your child will grow up blessed and protected because you will fight for them.
Labels are not definitive. Children with special needs are not defined by their limitations.
Your child is capable of a lot. Having limitations or disabilities does not mean they are not talented or advanced in other areas.
You are special. There is something special about being a parent, and all parents question their abilities.
Your child can still be great. The qualities of a good person or child are not measured by intelligence, but by the amount of positive difference we make.
You are not alone. We are all in this together! Do not be ashamed to protect, defend, and encourage your child.
Become an expert. Learn all there is to learn about your child’s needs and limitations, so that you will be at the forefront of their education and development.

IT TAKES SOMEONE SPECIAL TO RAISE SOMEONE WONDERFUL!

As always thank you for taking the time to read my content. If you have any questions or would like to learn more about any topic in psychology or education please let me know! I really appreciate you all.