Expect The Unexpected

Hair loss… aaaghr!

Pregnancy, labour and newborn stages are sugarcoated. When the bad parts are mentioned, we are given a watered down version.

‘Oh you better get all the sleep you can’ followed by a chorus of lighthearted laughing is a common telling. Healthcare professionals were far too concerned with how ~fantastic~ breastfeeding is, and how my baby and I would rarely get ill (which is bullshit, by the way) to tell me the truth. It would be the hardest thing I’ve ever committed to. It hurts, and you don’t get the hang of it right away. But this is normal and will pass soon. If I had been sufficiently prepared with *facts* I would have coped much better. Nobody openly discusses the negatives frankly; that’s my aim for this blog. Here’s 10 things I wish I had been prepared for postpartum.

1.Your baby may take a while to cry

This is something I was sure would happen. You see it in movies and on the TV. Reality is, they’re in shock from birth and some may take a while. Tristan took a good 3 minutes or so to cry, and I couldn’t have been more scared. Those 3 minutes felt like hours but thankfully, I had a fantastic midwife and she assured me this was normal whilst rubbing him down. Prepare for this, because it’s scary especially to a first time mum.

2.Postpartum sweating

Not once did any mums sharing wisdom on their experiences did anybody tell me to expect to sweat. A lot. We spent 3 days in hospital and I had the fan on the entire time. I’d sweat off deodorant within minutes of applying it, I’d wake up soaked and this lasted around 3 weeks for me, but can last longer.

3.‘Baby blues’

Wrecking ball of emotion anyone? Another thing that’s sugarcoated and dressed to be just a few tears. I had a meltdown over a sink full of dishes. I’m talking snot, a swollen red face and inconsolable ‘I can’t breathe’ kind of crying. It’s a mess, it’s snapping, crying over the most pedantic of things but is also normal. And messy. Stock up on the tissues!

4.Hair loss

Tristan is almost 6 months old, and I’m still losing serious amounts of hair when I even think about my head. I have bald patches and thinner patches, again all normal. Again, not informed. It’s scary when it starts happening and even scarier when the amount of hair basically triples but don’t panic. It’ll chill eventually… I hope.

5.The first postpartum

Josef, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry! Let’s be real. The first postpartum poo after a vaginal birth is B R U T A L. It didn’t feel normal until Tristan was at least 4.5 months old. It’s painful and scary and feels kind of like your insides are going to fall out. Angles help! A little amazon box under your feet to elevate them and a nice cold pad on your hoo-ha, a lot of gentle pushing and concentration and you’re well away. Nobody prepared me for it, but I have never spent so much time focusing acutely in my whole life. Drink plenty of orange juice and lots of fibre and wait until you literally cannot hold it in any longer. Who said motherhood wasn’t glam?

6.Breastfeeding is *hard*

I expected it to be easy and to come naturally. The reality was anything but. He couldn’t latch and I had to press my buzzer every time he needed a feed. By the time he got the hang of it, I was so sore from all the bad latching I had to curl my toes and cry through every feed. My nipples were blistered, cracked and bleeding. After a shower or bath even the feeling of a towel on my naked boobs was enough to make my entire body tingle with pain. I had never expected it would be so hard. Throughout my pregnancy, I was asked how I would feed. ‘Breast is best’ they’d say. ‘You or your baby will never get ill’ they’d say. First of all, LIES. Secondly, then would’ve been a prime opportunity to prepare me for the horror ahead. It hurts and it’s bloody hard. Once the soreness passed, my milk came in and the cluster feeds started. In the first few weeks, it wasn’t uncommon for Tristan to be latched on for up to 5 (yes 5!!!) consecutive hours. It was sore, exhausting and I almost gave up so many times. Had I been told sooner, I probably would’ve spent less time doubting if it was for me.

7.Standing up for the first time post-birth is trippy

After my epidural was removed and worn off, my hoo ha was stitched, my baby has his first tar poo and I had my first bit of food (which will feel like the best meal of your life by the way) it was time to shower. I stood up slowly with lots of help thanks to my lovely pair of dead weights. I felt empty. My stomach wasn’t round and hard, it was wobbly and full of empty space. I naturally leant forward as I did during pregnancy and almost fell over. I had to be carried to the shower and sat down. I felt empty and sick and dizzy. Trippy af.

8. You may still look and feel pregnant

Your body might not ‘bounce back’. From experience, only a lucky few do. 6 months on and I still have a belly—Just with a little kangaroo pouch to go with it. Some days I still feel pregnant, phantom kicks are something I never expected and it’s seriously freaky the first time it happens, it still does now but less frequently. Skin is about as glam as it was during pregnancy too, hello spot central.

9.Sounds of pooing, trumping and burping will be some of the most satisfying sounds you’ll ever hear

On days Tristan hadn’t pooed for a while, his legs would curl up to his chest. He’d be unsettled and cry (my god would he cry!) I’d go through my mental checklist of what was wrong before realising it was pain. Tummy massage, bicycle legs and a warm bath were *amazing*. But when I finally heard that very loud, very sloppy nappy being filled I couldn’t help but smile and praise Tristan. All for the sake of a poo. Oh how my life has changed.

10.It’s normal, you’re doing great and it will pass eventually.

I questioned my ability as a mother, as a partner and as a living partner. I felt guilty that I was emotional and unhappy as well as euphoric and content. I was worried about looking weak so stayed silent about my struggles until I couldn’t anymore. Why don’t we talk about these things? Pregnancy, labour and adjusting to life postpartum with a shitting, crying, feeding machine is damn hard work and I feel every woman should know this is normal. It’s okay to be unhappy, and it’s okay that it’s not what you pictured. The reality often isn’t very pretty but it’s all *normal*.