Before & After Having a Baby

Written by Luca Russell for her blog, Just Luca.

BEFORE HAVING A BABY

Leaving the house:
– Grabs coat, lifts keys, opens door, leaves the house.

Going to bed:
– puts pyjamas on, watches tv, falls asleep and sleeps all night.

Eating dinner:
– makes dinner, eats it.

Having a shower:
– turns on shower, gets in, has a shower.

Watching tv:
– chooses programme of choice, watches it.

Getting dressed/ picking clothes:
– chooses clothes, gets dressed.

AFTER HAVING A BABY

Leaving the house:
– occupy baby while packing everything you need, nappies, bottles, spare clothes incase of shit explosion.
– can’t find keys
– cant find babys coat
– finds coat and keys
– puts shoes on, forgets to pack spare dummies.
– gets baby into car seat then into car.
– carry out changing bag, shopping bags, toys to car.
– drives off down the street, child bokes and you’ve forgotten your phone.
– turns back
– change child, retrieves forgotten items.
– leaves the house.

Going to bed:
– bath baby
– dress baby
– feed baby
– rock baby to sleep
– put baby in cot, baby wakes up crying
– rock baby again, put baby down, baby wakes screaming.
– repeat previous step at least another three times.
– fall asleep in today’s clothes and possibly wake up and continue wearing them the next day.

Eating dinner:
– what is dinner?
– you didn’t get dinner you didn’t have a minute to make any.
– the one minute you DO get to make dinner, you still didnt get it, your baby has eaten it, aswell as their own, but they want yours because they always want whats not theirs, ironically, everything becomes THEIRS.

Having a shower:
– you will always have an audience, this includes going to the toilet.

Watching tv:
– peppa pig
– baby tv
– Bing bong bing, bong Bing boo, bong Bing bingly bungly booooo….will be forever stuck in your head.

Getting dressed/ picking clothes:
– 9 times out if 10 it’ll just be covered in puke, shite, pee.
– bra optional.
– no perfume needed, “eau de baby sick” Is too over powering a scent to get rid of.

Observe a prime example of all of the above summed up below in one picture – a forgetful, braless, sleep deprived, boke smelling mum who has worn these same clothes for 3 days now who dreams about peppa pig and barely has time to shower ✌