Infertility, Pregnancy And Sex!

Ever since I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at age 16, I was told the damage to my internal reproductive organs was too great and I would never be able to have my own children. I always wanted to be a Mum and have my own children but came to terms with the fact it wouldn’t be a possibility.

So what do I do? Doctors and specialists tell me I’m not going to reproduce, or at least not naturally, well my plan was to just get on with life. I started working full time for a busy emergency department, pushed myself to progress in my career and work my way up to becoming a registered nurse. I love my job and love meeting new people everyday, always eager for the next challenge.

Home life continued as normal, I worked, ate, slept, showered and continued that rotation week in week out. On occasional days off I would spend the day with my best friends just chilling out, having coffee and lunch dates. I started dating again after a 4 year relationship fell apart. I’ve met some interesting people even turned a man gay! But then I met Harry, 6ft rugby player with a cheeky grin and that was it, head over heels with my best friends brother.
We started dating, enjoying the summer together before I eventually moved in with him and his parents. We worked all the hours to save for our own place and with a little help from family and friends we took the leap. Early December we started our lives together in our own home.

Now Harry already has a child from a previous relationship that fell apart, he didn’t want anymore kids so match made in heaven? A woman who couldn’t have kids and a man who doesn’t want any!

Oh how wrong were we? Just before we moved out we found out I was pregnant! Now peeing on a stick wasn’t enough for me so we trotted off to the doctors who referred us to the scan clinics, there we were still not convicted until he was on the screen. 8 weeks old and in all the right places.

As a couple, we argued, we stormed out on each other, screamed, shouted and cried. (Mostly me crying!) It took both of us a very long time to come to terms with becoming parents when we had only just started our lives together. The biggest moment for my partner was having to get a full time job. He loved his job as a personal trainer, but it was only part time. As the weeks went on we both started to come to terms with the impending arrival of a little one, midwife appointments, hospital visits and scans we are getting excited about our little arrival. It was all made perfect when we found out we’re expecting a little boy! We’re better as a couple although our sex life has dramatically shot to shit.

Now everyone boasts about how ‘glowing’ pregnancy is. I spend the first 15 weeks with my head down the toilet, craving pizza and feeling huge! My partner has been through thick and thin with me and this pregnancy, we’ve had our scary times but our little gremlin is growing happy, healthy and very active.

Hormones are a whole new world, from feeling extremely overwhelmed about it all, to crying over nappies to laughing hysterics.

Before I found out I was expecting, I had just reached my 4 stone weight loss target, I had never felt better, healthier and confident in my own skin. Now 23 weeks pregnant and roughly the size of a house I feel fat, round and ugly. My hair has no style to it anymore, it just sits there, none of my clothes fit me anymore and my skin keeps breaking out, oh and say hello to stretch marks! My nipples are darker, extremely sensitive and itch like crazy. Every mother will tell you your vagina is no longer your friend but they don’t tell you she hates you just as much during pregnancy. Discharge is a natural thing now that just ruins your favourite underwear, thrush and urine infections are a walk in the park! Oh and pooping? Might as well open the door for constipation, you’ll never poo normally again!

As much as Harry calls me beautiful in his own way, I cant help but feel like a umpa lumpa. I mean come on I’m only 4ft 11inches. Wave goodbye to your favourite jeans, say hello to leggings and oversized tops!

Sex is weird during pregnancy, not for everyone, but myself and my partner have not had a lot of sex, we actually went 2 months without it at all. A combination of we both work a lot, we’re tired, we argue then there is Harry, who like 99.9% of men gets worried when we have sex that he’s going to be bumping baby on the head and since my bump really came into bloom our sex life went out the window! After a lot of trust, new positions and reassurance we’re back on track and reeling in the orgasams! Also ladies, don’t worry, before you never needed lube but suddenly now you’re horny and rearing to go but down lady town isn’t wet enough! Nothing to be embarrassed about gives you and your partner can experiment with different lubricants.

Trying to work in a busy environment where half the time you don’t really sit down is hard going even more when you’re pregnant. I’ve had to reduce my working hours just to give my body a rest. Before 12 1/2 hours day in day out would be a walk in the park now it takes more out of you than a Friday night shift in the emergency department! My back aches just doing the washing up! Ive booked my maternity leave now and have never been more excited to leave! Im knackered all the time and really struggle to keep going when waddling around a acute medical unit. Pregnancy comes with its ups and downs I’m 23 weeks in and still waiting on the ‘glowing’.

I can’t wait to have this baby, my back is killing me, after a 12 1/2 hour shift my ankles are unrecognisable and I’m about as useful as a chocolate teapot. I eat, I sleep and I moan! I want to meet my little dude, give him a name and show him all the love in the world. Becoming pregnant was a complete shock but never a mistake. Obviously fate knew what we needed before we did.

Anyone battling an incurable condition, my best bit of advice would be don’t give up. We’re battling through the odds for our little dude and we’re stronger as a couple than ever.
17 weeks to go… bring it on!!